


Paint Me by the Numbers

by jamiemisspelled



Category: offgun
Genre: Drama, F/M, Fluff, Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Romance, Slow Burn, offgun - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:09:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 31,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26340043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamiemisspelled/pseuds/jamiemisspelled
Summary: “Since we’re talking about what ifs and somedays, I’ll provide you artworks to be used for your albums but you’ll let me play your music if I ever hold a solo exhibition or something,” Gun said, his dimple showing through as he smiled. “Deal?”Off and Gun had been best friends since they were young. Off dreamt of being a singer while Gun sought to be a well-known visual artist. As they find themselves under the limelight, the two held on to their promise of not forgetting each other amidst the fame. Until Gun left the country and Off started to spiral down.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Comments: 32
Kudos: 89





	1. midnight love

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a fan fic so I would love to know your thoughts on the comments section. English isn't my native language so please forgive me for the typos and grammatical errors.

**track one**

**2009**

  
“Hey Gun. Wake up!” Off tapped Gun’s shoulder. There was no response, the latter was sleeping peacefully burrowed in a heavy blanket.

  
“Gun. Wake up.” Off leaned in, his body almost covering Gun. “Gun. Gun. Wakey-wakey.”

  
“For God’s sake, Off.” Gun whined as he shot his eyes open. Off’s smiling face was inches away from him. He suddenly became conscious so he lightly pushed him away. He looked at the time as he propped himself up, it was already past midnight. His eyes darted to Off who was now on the foot of the bed, tuning his guitar.

  
“You know what, if our neighbors don’t know who you are, they would have probably called the police whenever you climb your way up here through our balcony,” Gun said as he closed the sliding door.

  
This is not the first time Off woke Gun during the wee hours of the day or sneaked in to his room by climbing up the balcony. When they were young, Off would climb in using a stepladder just to recite the poems he’ve composed and now that they’re nearing their high school graduation, Off, who can now climb up the balcony without a stepladder wakes up Gun just to sing him his ‘songs’ – his old poems which he tried to turn into songs by adding in a tune. Gun would sound whiny about Off disturbing his sleep but they both know he’ll still leave the sliding door unlocked.

  
Off only does this to Gun despite them all growing up together with Alice, Arm, and New. He thinks he’s helping Gun improve his spelling and overall skill in language by reciting him his poems full of word play. Gun on the other hand likes it not just because he’s really learning but he also likes the notion that he’s the first person Off goes to when he finishes something, like a school kid seeking approval from his beloved teacher.

  
Off was good with words which was not surprising given that his parents were both Literature professors and their house has a small library filled with novels, childrens books, and magazines not just written in Thai but also in English, Japanese, and Chinese. While growing up, they’d come over to his house over the weekends and ask Off’s mom to read fairy tales written in English. They didn’t quite understood it yet but the pictures helped. This made all of them quite knowledgeable in understanding and speaking in English as they grew up with Off, Tay, and Alice being the most fluent.

  
“So, did you write a song?” Gun asked as he sat beside Off who was now lightly strumming its strings. They’ve been talking for over a month now how Off has long wanted to write a song but finds it hard to come up with chord progression and melodies. He thinks his poems aren’t fit to be converted into a song to which Gun would only just shrug as he doesn’t know anything about music but he’d always say ‘you can do it’ to Off.

  
“Nah. I’m still having a hard time writing something that’s meant to be sang.”

  
“So what did you come here for waking me up at this ungodly hour?” Gun asked in an irritated tone as he playfully hit him with his pillow. “And don’t give me that excuse. You’ve already written a song three years ago.”

  
“That song was different,” Off replied as he played along and dramatically laid on the bed hugging his guitar as Gun repeatedly hit him. “Well I tried incorporating a tune to one of my old poem,” Off was a bit hesitant to continue and scolded himself when he realized his mistake just now, “Remember that poem I did for a school presentation for Mother’s Day?”

  
It was a sensitive subject of conversation but of course Gun remembered it. They were on their fifth grade and their school held a short mandatory program to commemmorate Mother’s Day. “Hmm. Okay let’s hear it,” Gun said, nodding.

  
Off got up and started strumming the strings then proceeded to sing softly.

  
_Jasmine wreaths bought for you_  
_Mae I love you_  
_Not just on Mother’s Day_  
_But also tomorrow and forevermore_  
_But most especially today_  
_We make merits together_  
_So we can live alongside each other_  
_Mae I love you_  
_Thank you for being there with me._

For the short time Off sang, Gun was looking at him the whole time. Off on the other hand was looking at his hands, becoming conscious as Gun looked at him intently. He has always been the center of attention at school due to him always being chosen to recite poems or do some speeches just because he can articulate Thai words well. But despite all that, he’s still nervous when he’s in front of a small or big audience.

“So?” Off asked, raising his eyebrows as he looked at Gun who has now lain beside him. He set down his guitar on the foot of the bed, his guitar that he leaves here at Gun’s bedroom because of situations like this. Off laid beside him, a bit hesitant as his heartbeat quickened. He shouldn’t be this nervous laying down beside Gun because they’ve always done this ever since they were kids. But ever since they spent that sorrowful night three years ago crying together, Off had suddenly felt shy towards Gun, becoming conscious when they’re alone together, being more aware of Gun’s presence like now.

“The melody’s nice. I don’t know how to explain it but as you were playing it, I feel kind of warm and I see white all over you. I don’t know if that makes sense but yeah. I also kind of suddenly smell jasmines of course, as soon as you sang it,” Gun answered, his small hands making gestures in the air as he tried to explain his thoughts. “It can also pass off as some children’s song.”

“Hmm. So, does that give you a good feeling?” Off asked as he looked at the ceiling, trying to calm down. He can feel his hands becoming sweaty and his ears felt hot.

“Yes, it does,” Gun said mid-yawn. “Will you stay here for the night? Please say yes because I don’t wanna wake dad if I let you out on the front door.”

Off tilted his head, puzzled that Gun wasn’t the least bit angry on the possibility that Off will ask him to sleep over.

“Huh. This is like the first time you were okay with me sleeping over. You even suggested it. Did you really liked the song that much that you were willing to let me sleep here?” Off teased as he propped himself up with his elbow. Gun shot him a look which made him laugh. Gun likes it when Off laughs in a semi-high pitched tone, like an innocent child getting all giddy on their birthday.

“Anyway, I’m sorry,” Off whispered after a minute of silence.

“What are you saying sorry for?” Gun questioned him but they both know the reason why he’s saying it. “I’m getting real sleepy now. Good night, Off,” Gun said as he closed his eyes, pulling his blanket over him.

Off laid down beside him and whispered before closing his eyes, “Good night, Gun.”


	2. it ends tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: death, mentions of blood

**track two**

**2006**

Off tightly held Gun, the latter uncontrollably crying, his whole body trembling as he lets out the emotions he wasn’t able to feel and release earlier during the cremation ceremony. Off didn’t know what to say so he just hugged Gun, massaging his back, holding back his own tears by humming a song. He can’t afford to be sad right now, not when Gun was already a crying mess.

“You know, I’m gonna miss your mom,” Off said in a raspy voice. “She makes the best khanom chan.”

Gun tried to laugh, “Yeah you love it so much your teeth always ached for days because you eat more than five servings.”

Off snickered. He looked at Gun and brushed his matted hair on his forehead, wet from sweat. His eyes were swollen and so were his lips, almost bruising because Gun had been biting them since earlier.

“I can’t believe she’s gone now. I can’t even believe my own words. Off, I –” Gun didn’t even get to finish what he was saying as another wave of pain hit him, putting his hands all over his face, trying to suppress his tears and muffle his sobbing. Off quickly wiped his own tears by the back of his hand and cooed over the boy who was now leaning on his chest.

Gun’s mom was known to the gang as the strict yet jolly auntie. For Gun, he was lucky to have her as his mom, loving and very hardworking. She met Gun’s father when she worked part time at a clothing store as a sales person. Gun’s father was working then as a delivery boy for a woodwork shop where he was also honing his skills as a carpenter. The shop Gun’s father to which he delivers was two blocks away from where Gun’s mother was working. After weeks of exchanging glances and shy smiles, Gun’s father approached her, asking her out for dinner. They dated for three years before they decided to get married. Gun’s father came from a middle class family doing all sorts of business related to wood working. He was a miracle child, as Gun’s grandmother would like to say, conceiving Gun’s father at the ripe age of 40. He worked at a woodwork shop owned by a family friend right after finishing a vocational course. Gun doesn’t remember much about his father’s parents as they died of heart attack, asleep, when Gun was just only six years old. Gun’s mother wasn’t able to pursue college. Her father who perished because of a road accident, left her and her mom a bit struggling. They built a small clothing shop funded by the money from their families and trained themselves to be seamstresses. Gun’s mother taught herself all kinds of needlework just so they can offer a wide variety of clothes to sell and even worked part time as a sales person to save money for her mother who was already showing signs of aging. Both their families approved of their relationship.

Throughout the three years they were dating, they were saving up for their marriage. The house Gun and his father currently lives at is the house of his father’s family, a two-floored and three bedroom house which was built by the money earned by getting into every business related to carpentry. Gun’s maternal grandmother died of kidney failure, months after Gun’s parents got married. They had Gun after four years of trying to conceive. While they were taking care of cherub-faced Gun, they became friends with their neighbors, the parents of Arm, Alice, Off, and Tay.

The friendship that Alice, Off, Tay, Arm, and Gun had formed stemmed from their parents’ bond over their younger years, all of them just starting to build a family – Arm’s parents were tring to break away from their wealthy families, proving that they can stand on their own, Alice’s parents establishing The House, Off’s parents both taking up master degrees, and Tay’s mom had just opened a small clothing shop at Laem Chabang while his father works at a veterinary clinic near it. They spent their Sundays eating lunch or dinner together on each other’s homes, exchanging tips and expressing support with each other’s endeavors as they let their kids play with each other.

They have stood with each other from celebrating births and anniversaries to mourning in funerals. Just like when Tay’s father suddenly died of heart attack, everyone held each other when Mrs. Phunsawat unfortunately slipped behind their house one rainy evening.

Only Gun’s father and Arm’s parents went to the hospital, the rest were tending to the kids who were suddenly woken up by the commotion. Gun was silent throughout the night, engulfed by shock when he saw how the rain washed up her mother’s blood. Arm, Alice, and Tay were barely awake, nodding off on Gun’s living room still oblivious to what had transpired. Their parents were looking at each other as they pull blankets over the three kids. Off, on the other hand, sat next to Gun at the dinner table. Gun had his head down on the table, his arms folded. Off held on to the latter’s knee, massaging it while Gun stared straight ahead. He also saw what had happened as he was going back to the Phunsawat’s to return plastic wares. He found the two men huddled over a body, one was in shock, one was crying while cradling the body, all drenched because of the rain. Off almost let go of the umbrella and the plastic wares he was clutching as he ran towards them. It was only then that the Gun and his father were pulled back. Gun’s father rushed back home to call an ambulance. Off tried to pull Gun away from the body. Hearing the ambulance, almost everyone turned to their windows and Arm’s parents went out to instruct the ambulance to go to a hospital their family personally knows, accompanying Gun’s father. Arm’s mother was instructed to get the man a change of clothes and called on to the others to stay with Gun. Off’s mom kindly told Gun to take a bath and change his clothes to which the latter complied silently.

They held the funeral as soon as possible, only for a day since most of the deceased’s relatives were already dead or has settled in the provinces and had already lost contact. Everyone was stifling tears throughout the ceremony except for Gun who was still in shock. So when Off opted to stay with him, no one objected, Off’s parents even encouraged him since they know how Off and Gun share a special connection. Tay, Arm, and Alice all hugged Gun before returning home. Gun’s father locked himself to their room with a bottle of strong liquor, only going out once, trying to check up on Gun, and when he saw from the ajar door how Off held his son, he was a bit relieved.

“I’ll get you water from downstairs,” Off suggested as he slowly pulled away Gun. The latter nodded in between hiccups. Off helped Gun to sit on the bed, ruffling his hair before dashing for the kitchen. He got two bottles of water from the fridge and quickly went back to the boy’s room. Gun downed the water rapidly, liquid dripping down to his throat to which Off said, “Hey drink slowly.”

Gun let out a big sigh and plopped himself to the bed. Off laid beside him, wiping the tears that were still streaming down Gun’s face. His heart ached for Gun, he couldn’t bear to see his best friend, who was always smiling and cheerful, now breaking into pieces in front of him. The gang grew up practically beside each other but he is the closest with Gun, always alone together on each other’s bedroom, listening to songs or sometimes watching the other play guitar while the other is sprawled on the floor drawing or painting. Such little moments that only the two of them allow each other to see and experience. They also didn’t know how they went on like this but they all have special relationships with each other on their gang, it’s just that Off and Gun were more special, more intimate.

“Hey Gun,” Off called out to Gun who was spacing out. The latter looked at him with drooping eyes and red nose. Off smoothed the frown on the latter’s forehead, “Get a rest now. I’ll stay here.”

“You will?” Gun croaked, his voice hoarse from crying. Off looked exhausted, he can see how the latter was trying his best not to cry because he’s attending to him. “I’m sorry.”

“Yes I’ll stay, as long as it’s okay with you,” the other replied and then continued “Sorry for what?” Off asked as he pulled a blanket over Gun. But they both know why Gun said sorry and Gun also knows that he didn’t really need to say it.

“Off,” Gun whispered. “Thank you.”

Off smiled, “I’m always here for you, Gun. We’re always here for you. Get a rest now. Good night.”

“Good night,” Gun replied and then closed his eyes as he huddled closer to Off who started caressing Gun’s hair, humming a made-up song.

Right then and there, Off’s feelings for Gun transcended beyond friendship. A feeling of desperation to make Gun happy regardless of anything, bloomed within himself. And Gun, though a hole has carved out on his chest, a new feeling of warmth had sprung out around it, like vines snaking their way on metal fences.


	3. when the night is over

**track three**

**2007**

It was Mother’s Day. Gun and his father just got home after going to the temple making merits together with the gang and their families. They went straight to where they’ve placed the urn and then laid a jasmine wreath, chanted a short prayer and ate bread together at the table.

“I miss your mom,” Gun’s father said, breaking the silence.

“I miss her, too,” Gun said, smiling weakly.

It has been a year since her death but they were still nursing themselves from the shock and pain. Gun’s father tried to forget the pain as he immersed himself with work, doing the woodwork himself even when he had already hired workers especially now that they’ve expanded their shop and opened two branches, one in Chachoengsao and the other in Chonburi. He would always try to converse with Gun about his mother but Gun would cave in most of the time, clearly still shaken by the sudden unfortunate event.

“We were trying hard to get pregnant during our second year of marriage. She was always asking me where was she lacking. But when I said that it must have been me lacking, given my family history, she even became stressed. She didn’t want for me to feel as if I’m less of a man,” his father recounted, smiling. “And I even became more in love with her after that.”

“I miss her reprimanding me whenever I would go to your work area, seeing how I play around with paint and scrap woods,” Gun said. “It still hurts, dad.” He looked up to his father, both of them had tears in their eyes, on the verge of falling down.

His father stood up and hugged him, both of them now crying. “She’s gonna be mad if ever she sees us crying like this.”

“She’d probably comment how sentimental we are,” Gun laughed, wiping his tears by the neckline of his shirt. He looked up to his father, smiling as he also wiped his tears. This is one of the few times they’d talk about his mother’s death. Both were still hurting but also trying to get past through it.

“Hello, uncle,” a voice called. It was Off, carrying a jasmine wreath as he let himself in. He turned to Gun and smiled, patting his head when he realized what had transpired before he went in, evident on how the two men had red-rimmed eyes and flushed face.

Gun’s father smiled at Off. He knows he didn’t need to say what he had said to the boy a year ago and that’s why he’s even more relieved and glad that Off was there together with their gang, when he didn’t know how to comfort his son because he didn’t also know how to deal with the hurt himself. Death wasn’t a new experience for him but his wife was his other half and when she died, a large part of himself also died with her.

_‘Off, I know this is too much to ask,’ he called out to the boy once he came down the morning after the funeral._

_The boy looked at him, ‘I know what you’re going to ask of me, uncle. I’d do it, even if without you telling me,’ he smiled._

_He let out a sigh and embraced him quickly, ‘Thank you.’_

“I’m going to take a rest. The heat kind of caught on me,” the old man said after patting Off’s shoulder then proceeded upstairs.

The two boys went and laid the wreath brought by Off beside the urn.

“I tried to write a song,” Off said as they went upstairs. “Do you wanna hear it?”

Gun nodded and gave him his guitar as soon as they got to his bedroom. Gun sat on the bed while Off placed himself on the edge, tuning the guitar.

“Aren’t you going to eat out with your mom or something?” Gun asked as he opened the sliding door, letting the cool breeze in. “Later. You can join us if you want, mom would be glad,” Off replied.

Gun nodded, “I’ll ask dad. Play the song now,” he turned his head towards the guitar.

Off smiled and started strumming then halting for a bit to sing in his velvety voice,

_Drenched by the rain and pain_

_Huddling together_

_Warming you, keeping you sane_

_I know we’re still young_

_Can’t fathom what you’ve gone through_

_But one thing’s for sure_

_We’re gonna be here for you forevermore_

_Gonna be here for you woah_

_So take my hand_

_Under the bright sun we will stand_

_And if you fall we’ll be there before you land_

_So take our hands_

_Feel us holding to you_

_As you also cling to us_

_For dear life_

_Because dear, in this life_

_You have us, you still have us_

_And we won’t let you go_

_Through this pain alone_

Off then proceeded to pluck through his way of a riff and ended the song after repeating the last part. He was glancing at Gun throughout his singing and playing the guitar, hoping that Gun would realize the message of his song – a song he knows that still calls for improvement but a song that he knows Gun needed.

“That was good,” Gun said, sniffing. He was clearly trying to hold back tears. Of course he understood what Off was trying to say – reminding him of their friends, that they’re worried for him and that they’ll always be there for him.

Off laughed, “That was for you, though.” He pinched Gun’s nose and his cheek when Gun’s dimple showed as he smiled.

“I know. Thank you,” Gun nodded shyly then added, “The song made me feel like I was drinking chamomile tea on a rainy evening. It felt good to me.”

“I know we haven’t talked about it yet since that night and I don’t really know much about loss and grief, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m here, we’re here, for you. I guess, I also don’t want to see you cry – wait, that’s selfish,” Off said. “Okay, I’d rather see you cry than deal with the pain all by yourself.”

Gun hugged him and despite being surprised by the sudden gesture, Off hugged him back, his guitar on his lap. “Thank you, Off,” Gun said to his ears. “I’m so thankful you were there that night with me.”

Gun pulled away and let out a sigh, “I’m still sad of what has happened. She was gone too soon. I know in myself how I’m not okay – I’m not sketching or painting as often as I did before, but I can’t get myself sometimes to continue. Dad and I are both dealing over the pain on our ways and we don’t talk much about it because we know we’re gonna end up crying so much.”

“You don’t have to force yourself to move past through it as quickly as possible. I just want to remind you that Tay, Arm, Alice, and I are here with you. You don’t need to talk about everything if you’re not comfortable but if you want to come us over even when it’s late at night, we’ll come for you,” Off stroked the latter’s hair, the gesture was intimate for him and it made him shy, quickly pulling away his hand. Gun was busy to even notice, looking at his own hands, a mannerism of his that he does when he’s shy and thinking about something.

Off looked through the sliding door, the white curtains dancing with the cool wind, the blue sky peppered with clouds. The silence between them wasn’t uncomfortable, it was a silence that somehow signifies peace and understanding between the two, a silence affirming their thoughts about each other. Gun took Off’s hands, touching his fingertips which had calloused from playing the guitar for years. Off panicked, his heart quickening as Gun was too intent on studying his hands, examining the hardened-skin and lightly touching the lines across his palms like a fortune teller. This level of intimacy is too much for his heart to take as he felt his knees wobble when Gun’s breath fanned over his now sweaty hands.

“Can you come with me?” Gun looked up, his hands still holding Off’s. Off was a bit startled when the latter look up, “Y-yeah, sure. Uhm, where are we going?”

“The bodega,” he answered, smiling. Gun stood up, yanking Off to get up, too. “Your song kind of made me think something.”

* * *

Off sat a few meters behind Gun who was busy painting. They were now at the bodega where Gun had set up his mini-studio, paint cans neatly lined alongside the easel his father had created for him. After listening to Off’s song, Gun became inspired to paint the gang. He had always asked for his father to make him wooden panels suitable for painting so it was easy for Gun to find a canvas to use for his project. He had already planned creating an artwork of them but he never got to do it until now. As Gun worked, Off played the guitar, sometimes singing tunes both local and foreign but most times, just plucking through the song, letting the strings sing for him, his fingers seemingly dancing over the frets. Off loved watching Gun paint or sketch or just about doing everything. He loved seeing how Gun is when he’s focused creating artworks, especially when he unconsciously pucker up his lips. He also loves how Gun looks at him play the guitar or how he looks at him with wide eyes when he sings a foreign tune, always amazed that Off could pronounce foreign words very well.

Off is the only person Gun had allowed to see him work from scratch. He’s usually bothered or pressured when someone stares at him as he work his way on a sketch pad or canvas but he can’t explain how he’s comfortable with Off being there with him, maybe Off’s singing and guitar-playing soothes him, as if he’s entering into a trance.

Gun sketched out their profiles each, semi-realistically, on small square wooden panels. He had already painted the second coating of colors when Off tapped him on the shoulder, reminding him of the time.

* * *

Gun finished painting the wooden panels for two straight days and Off was there the whole time he did it, singing and playing the guitar softly.

Gun stretched out his hands and yawned, “I think I’m gonna sleep.” He looked at his wrist where sat a neat silver watch with a Mickey Mouse illustration at the center, a Christmas present from Off two years ago. “It’s still early anyway.”

It was now Off who looked at his watch, a pair of Gun’s, “What do you mean early? It’s half past two in the afternoon.”

“I just wanna sleep for like an hour or so. Besides, dad isn’t even home yet,” Gun pouted, his hands on his waist. It was a Sunday and his father went on his weekly routine of checking up on their shop’s branches. He was now standing in front of Off who was shaking his head as he laughed.

“Okay. You sleep & I’ll head back home. That alright with you?” Off followed Gun towards the door, nodding as they walked out of the bodega.

* * *

While Gun slept, Off contacted the others, talking to Arm first.

“Oh, like an art exhibit?” Arm said, getting the gist of Off’s plan. They were now on their way towards The House. Alice had instructed them to come through the backyard so they can meet without disturbing her parents.

“Yeah. And I need your help to set up their bodega. You and Alice can do that, right?” Off said, nudging Arm’s side, teasing him, since he knows Arm likes Alice. “I mean, Tay and I can help with carrying some stuff.”

Arm swatted his friend’s hand, “Yeah, right. Maybe we can ask Alice if they have some banners and stuff.”

Alice stood in front of their shed, shading herself from the sun, waving her hands as Off and Arm went towards her. After explaining Off’s plan, Alice borrowed some of her mom’s curtains and table cloth. They then proceeded to Arm’s house where he took out some of their Christmas lights. They went to Tay’s but his mom said he was still sleeping, they bowed their heads saying they’ll come back for him later and proceeded to go to Gun’s, sneaking at the latter’s backyard. Off didn’t locked up the bodega when he and Gun left earlier.

“I’m so pretty here,” Alice cooed, her eyes gleaming over Gun’s painting of her.

“Huh. You’re always pretty, Alice,” Arm immediately replied, surprising everyone in the room. He and Off looked at each other nervously while Alice looked at Arm with a puzzled face.

“Yeah. You always look nice, Alice,” Off agreed, easing Arm’s nervousness. Alice laughed, “Yeah, right. Let’s get to work boys.”

The bodega wasn’t hard to clean up. They swept the floor and put aside the small wooden planks to widen the center space. There were only two easels, so they used the mono bloc chairs where they propped up the painted wooden panels after Alice had covered it with the baby pink table cloths she took from her mom. She hanged the curtains around the bodega, covering the yellowing walls. Arm set up the Christmas lights all over the bodega, twirling some of it around the chairs where the panels sat. The three of them also included some artworks Gun had gave them over the years and clipped it on banner. It took them two hours to finish their set up with Off constantly checking if Gun had woke up through the latter’s bedroom porch. He had his curtains drawn closed which means Gun is still asleep with his bedroom air con on.

“What time should we invite everyone over?” Alice asked as she glanced on Gun’s porch.

“We’re gonna need for Gun’s father to come back, I guess in a few minutes or so. He always comes home at around 5pm,” Off answered and after a few, they heard the sound of engine driving towards them. “That should be uncle.”

Gun’s father got out of the car after parking, “Oh hey. Where’s Gun?”

“He’s asleep. Uncle, can you do us a favor?” Arm said.

* * *

They gathered everyone in front of the bodega. Tay had finally awoken and even expressed irritation how they didn’t woke up him when they went earlier. “I feel left out,” he sulked, making everyone laugh.

Off was the one who woke Gun up. “Why do I need to dress up?” The latter had asked after Off quickly ordered him to put on a set of fresh clothes.

“Just do it. Fast. I’ll wait here,” Off pushed the poor boy off the bed, still half-awake.

Gun took fifteen minutes to shower and change. He wore a blue collared shirt, paired with denim shorts. As soon as he walked out of the bathroom, Off dragged him by the hand, racing past the staircase towards the bodega. “Off!” Gun had shouted but Off just giggled.

When Gun saw everyone in front of the bodega, he looked at Off who stood beside Arm and Alice, “What’s this? What’s happening?”

“Thank you everyone for coming. I am Alice, this is Arm, and Off, and today, we would like to present to everyone a mini-exhibit of Gun Atthaphan’s artworks,” Alice said as Off and Arm opened the bodega and beckoned everyone to step inside, escorting their parents around. Gun was surprised and touched by the gesture especially when he saw the wooden panels as the centerpiece. He tightly hugged the three.

“I slept for a long time haven’t I?” Gun said towards Off as they stood together.

“Yeah, we were kinda nervous you’d wake up and see us working here,” Alice added.

Tay hugged Gun, “I’m so touched. I look handsome there.” Everyone laughed especially when Tay said he’s gonna cry.

“Excuse us, may I speak to the artist?” Alice’s father came forward, smiling. Gun smiled in returned, “Yessir, what can I do for you?” He replied, riding in on the fun.

“My wife and I are very much interested in purchasing these if you don’t mind,” Alice’s father gestured towards the centerpiece. “I own a restaurant you see, and this would look good on the interior.”

Gun looked at his father who was smiling from ear-to-ear, nodding to Gun. “It would be a pleasure to have my works displayed on your restaurant,” Gun answered, his nose scrunching up, trying to hide his shyness. “You don’t have to pay me by the way, a supply of pad thai would be enough.”

Everyone laughed, clapped, and cheered, Arm’s father even shouted “Sold!” Alice brought their camera and took pictures with everyone. They continued the celebration by having dinner at Alice’s, filling the night with laughter. Ever since the lady’s death, everyone had become worried for the Phunsawats especially about Gun. Everyone silently sighed in relief of what their children had done, giving them a pat on the head or a rub on the shoulder.

“Thank you,” Gun had whispered to Off before they parted ways. Off only smiled and nodded as he ruffled Gun’s hair before walking away.


	4. the best day

**track four**

**2005**

“Mom, wake up!” Gun giddily went to his parent’s room, bouncing on the bed.

Gun’s mother groaned, “Gun, stop bouncing. I’m getting dizzy.” She sat up and looked at Gun, “What’s all the fuss about?”

“Mom, it’s Mother’s Day. We’re going to the temple, right?” Gun rolled his eyes as he took his mother by the arms. “Get dressed now.”

She shook her head and allowed Gun to drag her out of the bed, then pulled him in a hug, “I’ll be down in fifteen.”

“Happy Mother’s Day!” Gun and his father said as Mrs. Phunsawat walked down the stairs towards the kitchen. The two men have prepared khao tom for breakfast paired with chamomile tea, the lady’s favorite drink.

“Thank you,” Gun’s mother said, blushing, as she hugged Gun and lightly kissed her husband which made Gun look away out of shyness.

After they finished their breakfast, they went to the temple, meeting the others who arrived earlier. Gun’s mom invited everyone for lunch back at their house to which everyone agreed. The house was filled with laughter as they shared stories, even Arm’s parents who were usually reserved joined in on telling jokes. Before everybody went home, Gun’s mom packed them khanom chan, doubling Off’s share because she knows how the boy loves eating sweets despite him always getting a toothache.

Gun’s father played an old vinyl record of Frank Sinatra as they rested on their living room, their big windows open, allowing the cool wind to get in. The record was from his late father’s collection. Gun’s parents didn’t had in them to play these records because they weren’t familiar with the artist and they didn’t have any turntable to play it on but Off’s father once played it when they ate dinner over the latter’s house and Gun’s mom liked Sinatra’s voice. The next week, they gifted the Phunsawats their old but still good gramophone along with some of their own Sinatra records.

“I hope you like this mom,” Gun said as he handed his mother a pink box. His mother opened it hurriedly and there was a framed painting of their family picture when Gun was just a year old, sitting between his parents. She smiled as she ran her hands over the portrait. “Thank you, Gun. I guess you playing with your dad’s paint paid off,” she joked as she hugged Gun, making all of them laugh.

“I told you it’s gonna be alright,” Gun’s father added, caressing his wife’s hand. They looked at each other, their eyes talking. Both of them quietly reminiscing their lives, the hardships they’ve passed through, the quiet moments they’ve shared, the bright and gloomy days they’ve welcomed up until Gun came to their life.

Gun’s father hugged the two of them, kissing both their foreheads as Sinatra sang ‘Love is Here to Stay.’


	5. blue heaven midnight crush

**track five**

**October 2011**

“So what’s the deal?” Gun asked Off as soon they got off Arm’s car. They just got home from Nonthaburi where Off, Tay, Arm, and Chimon performed as a band for the first time at a small open-air restaurant – Off doesn’t count their gigs at The House because it felt to him like they were just performing for their friends and families since everyone there almost know each other. The manager, Krist, is Alice’s distant cousin. And it was Alice’s parents who bagged them the gig where they were contracted to play every Saturday at 9pm. Alice’s parents also hired them to perform at The House every Wednesdays and Fridays. They were on their first term break of their second year in college and ever since they won the talent contest, their luck have been holding out as they tried to earn money by performing as a cover band.

“What are you talking about?” Off asked in return, tilting his head then proceeding to walk towards Gun’s house, “Hey give me your keys.”

“What’s the deal, Off? Why are you sleeping over here when your house’s literally over there? You asked Arm to drop Chimon on your house but why’re you tagging along with me?” Gun asked continuously as he inserted the key on the locked metal gate. Quietly opening it so as not to awaken his father. He’s not angry with Off sleeping over but he just finds it impractical. If Off’s house is just an hour’s drive from his, then he’d let Off and Chimon sleep over but it’s literally just fifteen minutes away, their house are practically beside each others. And Off didn’t even asked Chimon to go with him.

“I just felt like it,” Off shrugged, holding his cellphone to his ear, his other hand holding his bass guitar case. “Ugh. Sometimes I hate you,” Gun rolled his eyes.

“Hey mom,” Off said. “Yes we’re done. I, ugh, I’m gonna stay over at Gun’s. Arm will drop off Chimon there,” Off said hurriedly. His mom sighed on the other line after a long pause. “Okay, son. Be good to his dad and don’t forget to pay respects to his mother. Good night.”

“Yes, mom. I love you,” then Off ended the call as he followed Gun who was waiting at the doorstep.

When Gun opened the door, his father was drinking tea on the living room obviously waiting for Gun. He squinted his eyes when Off appeared behind Gun, bowing to him.

“I told you to not wait for me, dad. Anyway, Off said he’ll sleep over tonight,” Gun said as he poured himself a glass of water.

“I was already asleep but I got hungry,” Gun’s father replied. “Does your mother know?” He turned to Off who was also now drinking.

“Yes, uncle. Sorry I dragged Gun and made you wait,” Off answered, bowing his head.

Gun’s father nodded. “Okay then. Good night to the both of you.” He started going upstairs and before he went in on his room, he looked back at the two boys taking out some packed food from their bags and storing it on the fridge. He was not born yesterday. He knows that the two treasure each other more than as best friends despite themselves being oblivious to that fact. He remembered that sorrowful night five years ago when he accidentally saw them through the ajar door of Gun’s bedroom and he knew right then and there that the relationship between the two is special. He shook his head on their simplicity and quietly went to his bedroom.

“I’m gonna go shower first,” Gun declared after he plopped his bag on his bedroom floor and went straight to the bathroom.

Off’s eyes wandered around the boy’s bedroom. He set down his bag and guitar case near the bedroom porch’s sliding door. Considering how many times he’s spent here ever since they were kids, he can say it didn’t changed much over the years. The walls were still painted baby blue. His acoustic guitar which he had left there back when they were elementary still sat on the corner of the room, alongside some of Gun’s art materials neatly arranged in a shelf. Gun surely knows how to keep his room clean despite constantly painting here especially when the weather is hot and the bodega which served as Gun’s mini-studio gets stuffy. He looked at the inspiration boards made by the boy hung above the bedside table. He also noticed Gun’s to-do list. Based on the list, Gun has accepted 4 commissioned works which were due on different dates and Gun has already finished two. Off then looked again at the inspirational boards which featured Gun’s favorite artists, some film & literature concepts, color palettes, and even cloth swatches. Some of Gun’s works were also tacked. As his eyes lingered, he noticed that the art style on the artworks Gun gave him based on his songs were different from the art style he does on his commissioned pieces. He smiled over this fact, feeling grateful, that somehow despite Gun sharing his art to the public, he still has a piece of Gun that only he’s allowed to see.

“I like it,” Off said when he saw Gun walk out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel. He was now wearing an over sized shirt which made Gun look like he didn’t have any shorts on. It made Off shy and quickly looked away from Gun’s legs. _What a perv I am_ , he thought.

“What are you saying?” Gun asked as he rummaged through his closet, finding clothes that would fit Off. He suddenly thought if there were some of Off’s clothes that the latter left due to him staying over countless times.

“The art style on the artworks you give to me is different to the style you do for commissioned pieces,” Off said as he leaned on Gun’s closet eyeing how neat the latter’s clothes were folded and arranged by color.

Gun snickered, “Of course. The art style I apply in my commissioned pieces is what I think is appealing to the public. They’re also influenced by the client’s request. The artworks I gave you were all based how your songs made me feel that’s why they’re mostly abstract.”

“I feel flattered,” Off said as he squatted down so they’re now almost eye to eye.

“Huh?” Gun frowned.

“Because you said my songs made you feel things to which you transform it into art. You literally said my songs affect you,” Off said looking down, feeling shy with his own words.

“Don’t make it sound so poetic,” Gun laughed as he playfully hit Off’s arm. “Go get in the shower, you reek of sweat. These are your clothes right? Do they still fit you?”

Off unfolded the clothes Gun handed him. A faded black over sized tee and a boxer. Gun also handed him his underwear. He suddenly felt shy at the realization that the clothes he left here for when he stays over were washed and folded by Gun. “These are fine,” he said as he stood up heading towards the bathroom. “Also, I’m not being poetic.”

“Hey Gun. You’re still awake?” Off asked as he sat down beside Gun who was already burrowed under the covers.

“Hmm,” Gun hummed. His eyes already drooping.

“How have you been?”

“Huh? What do you mean how have I been? Of course I’m fine. We literally see each other every day and you can see I’m fine, right?”

“Hmm. Well, you’ve busied yourself accepting commissions,” Off nodded his head towards Gun’s bedside table.

Gun’s face lit up, “Oh yeah. Doing commissions felt nice.” He smiled.

“You didn’t told me anything about it,” Off quietly said, almost a whisper. There was a twinge of hurt and sadness on his voice. He didn’t want to sound possessive but at the same time, he wanted Gun to know that he was a bit hurt that Gun hadn’t shared any stories with him about the latter’s latest artistic endeavors. But who was he to demand Gun especially when he has also become busy rehearsing for their band gigs. He was happy for Gun but at the same time afraid that they’ll grow apart and he’ll lose the special connection between them.

Gun looked at him but Off was biting his nails, a habit he does when he’s nervous, shy, or distressed. He swatted Off’s hand to which the latter was surprised but then realized why Gun did it, “Oh. I was doing it again. Sorry.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you do that,” Gun commented. “I’ve been accepting commissions since we were in high school, you dummy. Have you forgotten about the time you helped me carry wooden panels around Chatuchak when a milk tea shop commissioned me to do their menu for their 4 branches?”

Off smiled at the memory. Of course he wouldn’t forget about that. It was the summer after they graduated elementary. Gun and his artistry has become well-known. If Off was often selected for oratorical and declamation contests, Gun was always picked as representative for poster-making contests and mural paintings.

They were both sweating as they walked around Chatuchak each carrying three 3x8 wooden panels, the menu of a milk tea shop inscribed in fancy hand lettering that Gun spent a week to do. The shop paid a decent amount of cash since they asked Gun on a short notice. One of the owners knew Alice’s father and thus recommended Gun when the owners mentioned they were re-branding and was having a hard time to find an artist that can do commissioned pieces for their shop in a span of five days. Gun’s father did the wooden panels for a day and a half. Aside from abstract and semi-realistic art, Gun’s specialty was hand lettering and doing the commissioned pieces were a breeze, finishing it in four days, with the fourth day adding the finishing touches like spraying a protective layer he got from his father’s shop so the paint he used won’t budge off.

The rest of the gang were busy during that time – Tay and his family went to Chiang Mai to visit his grandparents, Arm caught a flu, and Alice was helping around the bar since they’ve started supplying some of their meals around pool resorts. Gun’s father dropped them off at Chatuchak and proceeded to deliver some furniture supplies while his mom was at home tending to their shop. They walked around for an hour and a half and despite being tired, it was very much rewarding – aside from Gun’s cash payment, they were given milk tea and some desserts as compliments. They ate it as they waited for Gun’s father to pick them up again. Gun wanted to be smart about money especially it was his first commissioned piece so he asked his mom to open up a savings account for him.

“Well, I just thought I was so preoccupied with our gigs & rehearsals that I thought I neglected you. I mean, we’re best friends, right? And whenever you did your artworks, I’m always present right? Just watching you quietly or playing my guitar softly. But right now, you’ve done so many artworks that I didn’t got the chance to see you do it. Have I told you already that I enjoy watching you sketching and painting?” Off realized he’s been babbling and suddenly felt shy. “Wait. I’m sorry. I think I’m being weird. Hahaha. Okay, look,” Off continued, looking at his hands, “I don’t mean to say that you’ve been busy with your freelance work because I have – we’ve also been busy but… well, I think I just miss you. I miss us when we were younger and we had all the time in the world.”

Gun was surprised with what Off said. Off was never the sentimental type, it was always Tay. Off was the cool kid everyone likes not because he’s keeping up a façade of a macho man but because he is kind and loud but still reserved. He is good with words, he never fails to thank or compliment someone but he rarely opens up. Gun recognizes the fact that they have a special connection despite being best friends with the gang. He knows that Off will only share to him his poems and songs especially his dream of becoming a music artist. He also knows within himself that he’s only comfortable with Off when he sketches or paints something.

“Well, I guess I miss you, too,” Gun said with a smile. “I’ve been busy, I admit that. I don’t know why I became closed off a bit when I started accepting commissions and focused on building my social media network. I guess a was a bit jealous seeing you being busy and consequently successful. It was only later on I’ve realized that I was wrong to have thoughts like that.”

Off wanted to hug Gun right then and there but he didn’t want Gun to be weirded out so he just stroked Gun’s hair. Gun on the other hand only laughed at Off, “What am I? A five year old?” But before Off could answer, Gun had already wrapped his arms around Off making the latter freeze due to shock.

“Aww, you say you miss me but you won’t even hug me back,” Gun teasingly said as he tightened his arms around the taller man. If only he could see Off right now who was now all red and flustered.

Off didn’t want to pass up on the opportunity of hugging Gun despite feeling shy and so he hugged him back, slowly resting his head on Gun’s shoulder. Off was enveloped by Gun’s warmth and the cool fresh scent of body wash and shampoo. He suddenly felt woozy. Not because of the strong scent but because of the emotional high he’s getting out of this simple hug. _God I’m so whipped,_ he thought to himself.

He let out a small laugh when he realized how small Gun was compared to him despite being in the same age. This was the first time they hugged ever since they started high school. They were carefree when they were just kids but as they grew older they became shy except for Tay of course whose love language is skinship.

“What are you laughing at?” Gun asked loosening his arms around Off, looking up at him with raised brows.

“Nothing. It’s just that, you’re really small, huh?” Off joked as he looked down Gun whose eyes now widened upon the mention of his size. It was an unspoken rule that no one will pick on his height since he was obviously the smallest among their gang. Gun immediately let him go and crossed his arms, “So much for missing me.”

Off laughed. “We’re still best friends, right?” Was what Off said but deep down, he knows that that’s not what he really wants.

“Yeah sure,” Gun rolled his eyes. “You say you miss me right now but I’m pretty sure once you become famous, you’ll forget me – us, easily.”

Off rested his back on the bed’s head board. “Do you think I’d really do that?” He asked after being silent, “What do you think will happen if I get serious on being in a band?”

“Well,” Gun said as he sat beside Off, leaning a bit on the latter’s shoulder, “Maybe you’d date a lot of women and maybe you’d start smoking or even drinking. I don’t know. But maybe you’ll forget about me, about us. It’s not too hard to forget especially when you’re in the limelight getting all chummy with superstars.”

They both became quiet. Off slid on his back, his head now resting on his folded arm, “God I hope I won’t do that. Please don’t let me do that. I know it’s a stereotype and it’s just what you think I’d do but I can somehow see myself becoming a bit like that. And I don’t want that. You’ll help me, right?”

They looked at each other. Gun could see the fear that was in Off’s eyes. “Chill out, Off. I’m always here. We’re always here,” Gun assured him.

He blinked a few times before he turned his head and stared at the ceiling. “But what if you’re the one who gets famous and then neglects us?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t ‘huh’ me. With all the commissions you’ve done and been doing, I’m pretty sure your portfolio’s gonna be pretty and maybe you’d become a well-known artist hired for an exhibition or something,” Off replied.

“Hmm. Well I sure hope that the gods would allow that, I mean the part where I become a well-known artist doing an exhibit.” Gun let out a yawn. “Could we sleep now?” He looked at Off who was still looking at the ceiling. “Don’t overthink. You’re not missing out on whatever I’m doing. I’m still your best friend – we’re still best friends. I’m still Gun. Yeah we’re getting busy and all but we still had moments like this, right? I’m happy you’re finally doing what you really like. I guess all those times you snuck in here climbing our balcony has paid off.”

Off smiled. “Okay. Thank you. I’m also happy that your skill and artworks have been getting more attention. Good night, Gun,” he said as he turned around. But Gun was already asleep.


	6. sunday morning

**track six**

**The Next Day**

Off was awaken by the knock on Gun’s bedroom door. He was still half-asleep, one of his eyes still shut, but he knew it was Gun’s father inviting them for breakfast.

“Hey Gun, wake up,” Off lightly tapped Gun’s shoulder. There was no response from Gun aside from the light snore.

The clock says it’s 9 am. He did a little stretching as he got off the bed and then proceeded to the bathroom to freshen up. When he came out, he peeked at the balcony and noticed that it was raining yet there were sun rays peeking through the clouds.

Ever since they were kids, Off was always the first one to wake up no matter how late they stayed up. Must have been a habit he picked up from his parents who both wakes up early. Despite being busy as university professors, they never failed to prepare breakfast for Off and drop him off at school. They only stopped dropping Off at school when their son had graduated elementary. When they got into high school, Gun’s father would let Off ride with them every morning going to school while Tay and Alice were picked up by Arm’s father.

Off stood by the bedside table to look at Gun. “Hey Gun, wake up,” he said as he lightly shook the other. Gun only whined. “Uncle’s already called on us for breakfast.”

Gun’s eyes fluttered open and saw Off, just inches away from his face. “Then get off me,” Gun said turning away from Off.

Off chuckled, “Oy. Don’t fall asleep again. Go wash your face.”

Gun only groaned and lazily went to the bathroom.

As they ate fried rice with eggs and sausages, Gun’s father asked Off how was their performance last night. “It was good, uncle. We were the second performers to get on stage. The audience were kind and responsive. They were a bit amazed I guess when they saw me, a bassist, also singing. The manager was also nice. He even gave us leftover food,” Off answered after finishing a glass of water.

“Have you seen the three food packs on the fridge? The restaurant was kind enough to give us some dinner and leftovers. The two are for us and the third is Off’s. I can reheat it for dinner or something,” Gun chimed in. “We got to taste their guay teow after the band’s set, it was delicious.”

Gun’s father nodded as the two went on about the weekend traffic, the night life around Nonthaburi, and their overall experience driving in a different town. “Have you recorded the performance?” He turned to Gun.

“Yep. I’ll show it to you later. You’re going to do rounds on the shops?”

His father nodded. “Do you wanna come?”

“Hmm. I think I’ll stay here. I’m kinda tired from last night. Maybe I’d also finish my commissions,” Gun said after wiping his mouth clean.

Gun’s father looked puzzled. His narrowed eyes switching back and forth to Off and Gun. Off understood it the moment he met his eyes and fervently shook his head, his skin getting hot from the embarrassment. Gun, who was suppressing a burp, didn’t notice. “Okay, kid. I’ll have my lunch there. I’m gonna excuse myself now. Don’t forget to show me their performance. By the way, congrats Off.” The old man said, smiling as he stood up then walked on towards the back door.

“Let me watch it, too,” Off nudged Gun.

“Watch what?” The latter asked in a playful tone.

“You said you recorded our performance. Let me see it. I wanna see what we looked like,” Off replied as he collected the plates and utensils.

“Wash the dishes first,” Gun stuck out his tongue as he turned his head towards the kitchen sink.

Off just rolled his eyes as he stood before the kitchen sink, pouring out water first to soften the food stuck on the plates and utensils. Gun on the other hand wiped the table clean and put the water pitcher back to the fridge. “What time will you go back to your place? Have you messaged auntie yet?” He said as he stood beside Off.

“Not yet. Maybe by lunch time. What, you can’t stand me already? Aww. So much for saying you miss me,” Off teased, imitating what Gun said to him last night which then pinched him on the side and Off answered by splashing water at him, dripping from his face down to his shirt.

“Off Jumpol!” Gun stomped his feet out of frustration yet he was smiling. Off was just laughing at how easy was Gun to annoy, “Do you have some things to do?” He asked as he started to wash the glasses, then the utensils and plates.

“Hmmm. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll take a nap. Or maybe I’ll finish my commissions,” Gun replied.

“If you’re going to do your commissions, can I watch you draw or something?” The taller asked.

Gun shot him an incredulous look, “You didn’t have to ask, duh. Let me help,” he said as he took the washed plates from Off and wiping it dry.

* * *

“What are you gonna be making today?” Off asked as he sat on the bed, tuning his guitar. He was facing Gun who was already sketching, the scratches of his pencil against the paper filling the room alongside Off’s soft guitar strumming.

“Hmm. A book cover for a self-published novel,” Gun replied as he tested out some brush pens for color swatches.

“What’s the plot? What does the client want?”

“It’s a historical novel, set during the Second World War in France. The author wants for the design to be minimalistic.”

Off just nodded. He didn’t want to disturb Gun anymore and he started to sing softly,

_Sunday morning rain is falling_

_Steal some covers, share some skin_

_Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable_

_You twist to fit the mold that I am in_

Gun was nodding his head to the song, even humming to the tune of it. He knows the song and some of the lyrics because Off played it on repeat the moment he found it on the internet some months ago but he can’t sing along much with Off because he’s still having a hard time pronouncing the English words. Gun has always struggled learning spelling and grammar that’s why he’s thankful to Off for teaching them when they were kids. It was also Off whom he’d ask to listen to English songs since the latter was fond of scouring the internet to listen to songs produced outside Thailand – be it an English song, a Japanese one, Chinese or Korean. Recently, he’s been listening to some songs from the Philippines, amazed that there were some words and nuances from the Filipino language that were similar to Thai.

Off loves music so much. No one in his immediate family plays a musical instrument but his parents weren’t surprised that when Off was five years old, he asked his father if he could get him a guitar for his birthday. His parents love to play vinyl albums every Sunday, a different genre every week from different artists but mostly foreign artists, another factor why it was easy for Off to learn a foreign language. Off’s father favored Eric Clapton, Scorpions, and Queen. His mother also liked foreign bands but at most times, she puts on classical music. Off taught himself how to play the guitar. He was crazy for Eric Clapton and Nirvana as he grew up. He’d ask his father if he could find him song books with chord sheets from his friends overseas. His mother on the other hand encouraged Off to listen to Thai musicians, he obliged and went on to like Scrubb, Michael Sawatsewi, and Lift-Oil among others. By the time they had graduated elementary, Off can tune his guitar on his own and can play songs even with barre chords. Off only started to be interested in bass when he saw Arm play it during the birthday celebration of Arm’s father to which they were invited. Arm had always admired Off’s talent and skill in playing the guitar despite him being also able to play it quite well.

Gun stretched his arms and glanced at Off who was now playing Scrubb’s Hug Pillow (กอดหมอน), his slender fingers looked like they were dancing above the frets as he switched over strumming and plucking. Off looked beautiful while singing with his eyes closed. He had always loved Off singing as if no one was looking, his brows furrowing together as he hit the high notes, the veins on his neck showing through. Off opened eyes and when he saw that Gun was looking at him, he was caught off guard and suddenly became shy, “I thought you were working,” he said.

“I am. I was just admiring you,” Gun replied smiling while erasing the harsh lines on his sketch and started coloring in his sketch. He was a bit surprised when he said he was admiring Off but he had already uttered the word when he realized how cheesy it may have sounded. He treasured moments like this where he’s the only audience Off has. Gun will definitely miss these kinds of moments.

Off on the other hand was blushing. After hearing someone say bluntly they’re admiring you is a thing that is hard to move on, especially when that someone is a person you like. He blinked a few times before realizing he was staring at Gun, now busy using his brush pens. “So, uh, after you finish your artwork, what do you do? Do you scan it and send it to them?” He asked as an attempt to recover from being flustered by Gun’s words.

“Yeah I scan and send them over via email and they’ll reply with their suggestions or something. Since most of them have already stated what they would like to see, I rarely redo. I guess I’m pretty lucky with my clients,” Gun replied while doing the line art, Off was now standing behind him. “What do you think?”

“It’s good. It evokes a sense of mystery,” he replied. His eyes were drawn by the colors Gun used with maroon being the dominant color. The overall piece was already good, there were two people standing with their backs on each other. One was clearly a military officer and another seemed like a freedom fighter of some sort, a military tank can be seen on the background. The shadows were nicely done and the line art was minimal, balancing the overall composition.

Gun stood up, opening the scanner Arm gave to him as a gift. Arm insisted it was an old item from his dad’s office but he knows that Arm just said it so that he won’t overthink about how Arm really bought it for him since it was a bit expensive. He was very thankful to Arm, who like everyone else, always showed support to his artistic activities only that his family was on the wealthy side that he could actually support Gun when he chooses to.

Off put down his guitar on the bed and searched for his cellphone on his bag. There were messages from his mom since last night, reminding him to behave himself since he slept over and asking to message her back once he goes back home. There were also messages from Tay and Arm, asking why did he stayed over at Gun’s. He didn’t reply to any of those and instead called his mom.

“Mom, I’ll be there by lunch time,” he said as his mother picked up the call after a few rings.

“Okay. Ask everyone to come over if they can,” his mother replied, sounds of piano can be heard. Must’ve been Chopin since it was his mother’s favorite.

“Okay. Bye,” he said and then hanged up after his mother bade goodbye, too.

Gun asked, looking at him, “What did she say?”

“She’s inviting everyone for lunch,” Off replied, typing a message about the lunch invitation then sending it to Arm, Tay, and Alice. He picked up the guitar again, “Hey Gun, if we get famous one day, I can hire you as the one who’ll make our album covers, right?”

“Album covers? Like those pictures for every song when it’s promoted or something? But a music label has control over that, right?”

“Yes. But I’ll make a way so they’ll let me hire you,” Off smiled. Gun scoffed, “As if they’ll really hear you out. You of all people should know how music labels are so controlling of their artists.”

“Shush. Trust me,” Off raised a hand, his brows knitted together. “You’re so negative. Yes there are some of them who’re controlling but maybe after a few years, their ways would change.”

Gun just sighed. He knows how Off was persistent on proving his point, “Okay then. But it also depends if you’ll forget us or not once you’ve become famous.”

“We just talked about this last night. I’ll never forget you,” Off replied before playing another Scrubb song, Everything (ทุกอย่าง), which was one of the songs they played last night. People were singing along to it. If their band would really become famous someday, Gun thought that they will be in the genre same of Scrubb, Getsunova, or Silly Fools. Off may be a fan of rock music but Gun knows that he wants his music to not be as loud to be considered as rock. He would want for his fans to listen to it while chilling out and feel good, comforting them with his husky voice singing about friendship or lost love.

“Since we’re talking about what ifs and somedays, I’ll provide you artworks to be used for your albums but you’ll let me play your music if I ever hold a solo exhibition or something,” Gun said, his dimple showing through as he smiled. “Deal?”

“Deal,” Off replied immediately, “but let me watch first that video recording of our performance last night.”

Gun rolled his eyes and pulled out the digital camera from his bag, a consolation prize along with some usual art supplies that he had won before for a poster making contest. He connected it to his computer and played the video after copying it on his desktop. Off inched closer to Gun, his face resting on the edge of the desk. Their eyes both glued on the screen.

“Oh God, I’m glad our nervousness wasn’t captured,” Off blurted out to which Gun replied, “But your smugness was.” Off only rolled his eyes. He felt relieved that they sounded good, that their equipment didn’t let them down. His voice on the first song, Som Sarn (ซมซาน) by Loso was a bit shaky but as they got through the chorus, he finally got the hang of it and their performance went smoothly. The fourth song, was a request from a tourist. He requested a U2 song and thank God Off and Tay knew the song hence performing it with Off’s bass first and then Tay’s. Arm and Chimon were just listening and after the chorus, they joined in. They were tipped 1000 baht, the tourist personally handing it to Off.

“I’m not surprised you and Tay know that song request,” Gun said, his chin resting on his hands. “But thank the heavens for that song, he was elegant to tip you a thousand baht.”

Off hummed in agreement. He sat up straight and suddenly remembered the notebook on his bag which he hurriedly rummaged, Gun was a bit surprised when he suddenly jumped out of the bed.

“I almost forgot. I wrote a song. I mean, I tried,” Off said while flipping the pages. He grabbed his guitar and started singing while plucking the strings.

_Can you hear my heart skipping a beat?_

_I hope not_

_Can you see the shine in my eyes when talking to you?_

_I hope not_

_Can you feel my shyness when I’m with you?_

_I hope not_

_But please_

_If you’ve noticed these_

_Let me be_

_I don’t know what I’m feeling_

_I just don’t want you leaving_

_I hope you’ll let me_

_Treasure these feelings I have_

_For you_

Off glanced at Gun, “So?”

“The melody’s nice. I mean, I can bop my head to this song because it sounds happy but it’s also the type of song I’d listen for a couple of times before realizing that it’s actually a sad song. This kinda reminds me of that foreign band you made me listen to once. What’s that band again? They have the word ‘fall’ on their name,” Gun said, struggling a bit pronouncing ‘fall’ in English.

“Oh yeah. Fall Out Boy. Yeah, their songs sound happy but the lyrics, it’s like they’re eternally sad. Their lyricist does a good job – everyone is good. I hope someday we can watch their concert or something,” Off replied. “I’m surprised you remembered.”

“Who wouldn’t? We listened to their album for a whole day,” Gun rolled his eyes. Off just laughed, “At least you liked –”

“Bubblegum ice cream,” Gun suddenly said. “What I meant to say was your song kinda tasted and looked like bubblegum ice cream for me. I don’t know how to explain that,” he said as he raised his hands.

“Is that good?” Off asked. “When you said the song tasted liked bubblegum ice cream, does that mean the song made you feel good?” Gun nodded in agreement.

“I still don’t know how come you see and taste colors when you hear some things,” Off stated.

“Same goes for me,” Gun replied.

The next day, he gave Off a watercolor portrait of an alien girl, sitting on top of a blue ice cream, candy sprinkles scattered all over the floor. When he got home, he carefully placed it on album full of Gun’s artworks he received from the boy over the years.


	7. saturday

**track seven**

**August 2011**

“Are you nervous?” Gun asked Off who was unusually quiet today.

“Of course he is!” Tay butted in, “I am nervous. We are nervous.”

It was a Saturday afternoon and just like normal teenagers, they were hanging at a mall but they were not simply hanging around because they’ve also joined a talent contest sponsored by the mall. They only need to perform two songs, can either be original or a cover, and they could win 10,000 – 25,000 baht as a cash prize. Off saw an ad inside the train stations about the said contest and after talking it out with everybody, they were finally convinced to participate and just enjoy the experience.

“I’m not nervous. I’m just afraid Tay might slip on stage or whatever,” Off joked. Everyone laughed and Tay playfully punched Off on the arm and the latter whined.

“I’m getting nervous, P’Off,” Chimon said, his feet tapping the floor. “This is my first time performing in front of a big audience. What if I mess up?”

Off ruffled his cousin’s hair, “Relax. Whether we win or not, what’s most important is we got to experience this and we had fun. Just imagine it’s our usual jamming sessions.”

Off was also nervous but everyone was and since he was the one who insisted on joining, he needs to show that he wasn’t or else everyone will be a bundle of nerves and that’s the least thing he wants right now. The event proper will start by 4 in the afternoon. They ate lunch at The House and arrived at the mall before 3. They’re now lounging at the enclosed area for the contestants. The event organizer was kind enough to provide equipment but they’d still use their own guitars. They’ve agreed that they will perform Scrubb’s Everything (ทุกอย่าง) and Hug Pillow (กอดหมอน) since they know those are popular songs where everyone can sing along.

“How many will you compete against?” Alice asked looking at the leaflet they were handed by the event organizer earlier.

“I think there are 6 participants including us. Most of them were singers and dancers. We’re the only group participating as a band,” Arm answered and Alice smiled in return. The four exchanged glances with each other, smiling to themselves. When they were still in high school, it was only Off who knows about Arm’s crush over Alice but now that they’re in college and since Arm isn’t making it any less obvious, almost everyone knows except for Alice.

Chimon let out a sigh as he stretched his arms and legs, “I’m excited for the intermission by Golf-Mike. Who would’ve thought they would guest here, right?”

“The event organizer must’ve known them personally or they just got lucky enough with their proposal,” Tay replied wiping the sweat on his forehead. He, too, is nervous. He may be a ball of sunshine but can also be a bundle of nerves.

“I’m going to relieve myself,” Off stood up, “Anyone wants to come with me?”

Gun raised his hand, “I’ll come. I’ve been holding it in since earlier. How about you, Chi?”

“Thanks P’Gun, I think I’m still okay,” the boy responded politely and the two then went off to the comfort room.

Off splashed his face with the cold tap water. “You’re nervous,” Gun said from behind, offering his handkerchief. Off took it and mumbled a ‘thank you.’ He lightly tapped the cloth onto his face, inhaling its scent, a mixture of detergent and baby powder – Gun’s scent.

“Yes. A bit,” Off sighed. “I already know that my feet’s cold despite wearing thick socks. I feel like there’s a wheel in my stomach and my –”

“Breathe, Off. Breathe,” Gun cut him off, holding his arms, massaging it a bit upwards to his shoulders. They looked funny, he, a tall man, is being comforted by a smaller man like Gun. “Breathe,” Gun repeated softly. Off nodded and started to control his breathing, syncing with Gun’s who was now massaging lightly his shoulders. They were the only people inside, _thank God_ , Off thought or else they wouldn’t have this moment here.

Gun took his hanky from Off’s hand and lightly pressed it to the latter’s forehead which was still damp from when Off splashed his face. “You can do this. I mean, you’ve been singing and playing the guitar for a long time. The only difference is now, there’s a bigger audience who’ll listen to you,” the smaller guy assured him.

“Thank you,” Off replied, he can feel his cheeks burning so he looked at his hands.

“Let’s go,” Gun said and dragged Off outside by the hand.

* * *

They were the last to perform and they were glad when everyone was singing along with them. It felt like they were holding a mini-concert. Some of the audience screamed when Off started singing. No one could deny his presence. The audience clearly did not expect for a bassist to be also a vocalist. He looked simple yet sexy in that James Dean shirt and denim pants, playing the bass while effortlessly singing. Tay and Arm’s presence were also undeniable, both looking ethereal in white shirts and black pants. The lights hitting their faces in the right angles. Chimon looked cute behind the drums and everyone can see that he can play well as if he was just playing around.

Alice recorded their performance while Gun was singing along holding a small banner he made earlier while only looking at Off who was also stealing some glances towards their direction, the latter smiling whenever he’d look at Gun. When they were finished performing, everyone clapped. Some even stood up. There was a collective and silent agreement among the audience and judges that their performance was good, that it felt like they weren’t simply contestants but true performers. Gun gave them a thumbs up when he saw Off and the others look at their direction. After taking a bow onstage, they were ushered backstage and while waiting for the results, the intermission performance from Golf-Mike took place. Some contestants watched from the side stage. The crowd watching them grew bigger. Even the other mall goers stopped to watch Golf-Mike, some were looking down from the 2nd and 3rd floors.

After three songs, Golf-Mike stayed behind, together with the mall representative and head event organizer, they will award the contest winners. The participants were still on the sides. Gun was looking at Off who was hugging Chimon. Arm was fanning himself and Tay, who looked like he was chanting some sort of a prayer. Both Alice and Gun snickered. “Typical Tay,” Alice commented shaking her head.

“Thank you for staying with us. We’ll not make you wait anymore so let’s now hear the winners. The third place goes to,” the MC announced, “BNK Movers!” The dance group cheered as they got onstage. “BNK Movers will receive a certificate, a trophy, a cash prize of 10,000 baht and 500 baht worth of gift certificates each.” Gun and Alice were holding each other’s hands.

“Let’s move on to the second awardee. I can hear cheers from the audience,” the MC said turning his mic to the audience who were screaming the names of the other contestants. “91 Line! 91 Line! 91 Line!” Gun and Alice shouted repeatedly. Some of the girls who were screaming for Off earlier, joined in on the chorus. “Okay we hear you and we’ll give it to you. Our second place is,” the MC paused. “91 Line!”

The crowd clapped and cheered. Arm and Tay pushed Off towards the stairs, clearly surprised. Chimon on the other hand was all smiles. Gun and Alice hugged each other, they were crying while laughing. “91 Line band will receive a certificate, a trophy, loot bags from Siam Mall Emporium, and a cash prize worth 15, 000 baht,” the MC continued. As he looked at Off, Gun was picturing him singing in a sold out concert, capturing the hearts of his audience waving their hands in the air as they sing along with him. Gun put his hand over his mouth, stifling a cry.

After the first place was awarded, which was a 10 year old girl who sang a Celine Dion song in both Thai and English, every participant lined up onstage with the winners at the middle alongside Mike-Golf, the MCs, and the mall representatives. Alice went in front and took pictures alongside official photographers while Gun stood near the stage. After the photo op was done, Off hurried downstairs and hugged Gun. Gun was surprised and since almost everyone on the area was preoccupied asking pictures from Golf-Mike and the other winners, only the gang noticed their moment.

“We made it, Gun! We made it!” Off excitedly said, his hot breath on Gun’s neck, his arms tight on the latter’s small body. He tapped Off’s back, “Congratulations, Off. You did well. You all did well.”

Off let go, he was smiling from ear to ear, his eyes a bit misty. He looked at Gun who was also smiling despite being surprised by Off hugging him earlier. Arm, Alice, and Tay coughed and Gun immediately swatted Off’s hands who were at his waist. Chimon whistled playfully, acting as if he didn’t see anything.

“Excuse me, you were the vocalist earlier who played bass, right?” A petite lady asked Off, “Can I take a picture with you?” Off nodded absentmindedly and after that, many followed, asking for pictures with him and group photos with Arm, Tay, and Chimon. Alice and Gun just looked at each other when the ‘fans’ asked them to take their pictures. After a few minutes, the people asking for pictures subsided. “You did good, earlier. Congratulations,” a deep voice said. They turned around and saw Mike-Golf, smiling. “Let’s take a picture with your friends,” Mike said, calling the attention of two event photographers. After shaking hands with each of the gang, Mike-Golf left and they were all screaming and laughing that Mike-Golf approached them.

“You have a camera, right? Let me take a photo of your group,” one of the photographers offered, turning to Alice who then gave her camera. Off grabbed Gun by the sleeves of his sweater. Gun looked puzzled but Off just nodded his head towards the camera and put his arm around Gun.

They’ve split up the money they won, depositing it to their savings. Arm didn’t took his share and instead gave it to Chimon who hugged him in return, very much happy because of his P’Arm being generous. They got home by evening, dropping by at The House first. When they showed Alice’s parents their trophy, they gave them a free dinner, inviting their parents. Even Arm’s parents who were usually busy were able to join the dinner. Throughout the night, Gun was still thinking about Off hugging him. It wasn’t the first time they hugged but that hug made him feel something different towards Off. Before he went to sleep, Gun told himself that he wouldn’t entertain whatever he felt from that hug. Off, on the other hand, fell asleep reliving the way how Gun helped him feel relaxed.

* * *

News of them winning broke out around their town. Alice’s parents jokingly asked them if they would still play at The House Bar & Resto now that they’ve won a contest and almost everyone knows them to which Off said ‘Of course we’ll still play there even for free.’ They were treated like celebrities in Chula, some of their professors even congratulated them but with always a reminder to don’t forget studying. Arm’s schoolmates from Rangsit fanned not just over him but also to Off and Tay, continuously asking Arm that if ever the student council would hold a music festival, they should come over and perform to which Arm would always say ‘we’ll look into it.’ Back at Chula, almost every student organization asked for the 91 Line to perform during their faculty events. They accepted only a handful since they didn’t want to be overwhelmed especially Arm who goes to a different university. For their performances, they would always perform the two songs they sang on the talent contest. They haven’t managed to practice new songs to do a cover due to a tight schedule since they were nearing the end of their second year’s first them – they have many assignments to finish and exams to study for. Plus, they also didn’t want Arm to be too tired.

Days before their first term ended, a junior from Off’s faculty confessed to him. Off, Tay, and Gun were sitting at the lounge area waiting for Alice when a tall lady approached them. “Excuse me, P’Off. I’m Punpun, one of your classmates. Can I talk with you?” She said in sweet tone, her eyes shining. Off nodded and they went a few steps far from Tay and Gun.

“She’ll probably confess,” Tay said to Gun. The latter just nodded, eyeing Punpun. She was pretty, her long hair was tied loosely by a ribbon, her skin was rosy – she was definitely Off’s type. Gun bit his lower lip. He felt his stomach tighten on the thought of Off being in a relationship. Gun was afraid he’ll lose his best friend.

“Oy Gun,” Tay shook his knee.

“Oh sorry. I was spacing out. I’m getting hungry,” Gun replied pinching his nose. “You’re lying,” Tay immediately said. “You pinch your nose when you say a lie.”

Gun just chuckled, “Wow. You shouldn’t be studying as a teacher but rather as a psychologist.” Tay just rolled his eyes, “Just say you’re jealous and go, Gun.”

“I’m not,” Gun said, his brows raised. “You two have something going on. You’re both smart and yet you haven’t realized your feelings for each other,” Tay said in disbelief, shaking his head.

“Feelings for each other?” Gun repeated to which Tay’s eyes widened and immediately said, “Did I say that? I did not say that.”

Before Gun could further question Tay, Alice came running towards them and Off was also done talking with Punpun. “Who is she?” Alice asked as Punpun passed their group.

“Just a classmate,” Off replied. “Come on, let’s grab something to eat.”

“Just a classmate?” Tay repeated as he put his hand around Off, putting emphasis on the word ‘just’. The latter frowned, “Are you deaf or hard of hearing, Tay?”

“Oh, a classmate. So what were you two talking about then?” Alice said, eyeing Off as they started to walk.

Off bit his lip, “She sorta confessed to me. But I rejected her.” A loud ‘what’ came from the three, Off, who was clearly irritated by the loudness, squinted his eyes and covered his ears.

“But why did you rejected her? Punpun belongs to your type of women, right?” Gun asked and all three of them could sense the urgency on his tone. But as usual, Alice and Tay pretended to not notice it. Off on the other hand was puzzled with Gun who was usually quiet.

“I – I just didn’t feel like it,” Off answered scratching his head. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth also. How could he tell he’s developing feelings towards Gun when he’s right there walking beside him? _God I wish they’d drop it already_ , he thought.

But Gun didn’t got the telepathic memo. “What do you mean you don’t feel like it?” Gun pressed on the issue.

Off let out a sigh as he ordered roti from one of the food stalls outside the university, “I don’t know, Gun. I’m not interested in dating anyone right now.” _Liar_ , Off scolded himself. _You’d date Gun if given the chance and if circumstances were different._ “Be quiet and eat,” he said both to himself and to the boy as he shoved a roti to Gun’s mouth who was already threatening to ask more questions.


	8. wouldn't it be nice?

**track seven**

**October 2011 – last two weeks before first term break ends**

“Where’s Chimon?” Alice asked as soon as Off and Tay walked towards the shed.

“He went straight home. He said he’s going to sleep. I feel bad. He came here so I can tutor him not to tire him out because of band rehearsals and stuff,” Off replied as he brushed his hair. 

Chimon, his cousin from his mother’s side, came to live with them as soon as he started his senior year at Chulalongkorn Demonstration School. Chimon’s parents asked if Off could tutor him since they know they couldn’t help with Chimon’s studying due to them being busy with their textile shop in Rayong. Of course, Off and his parents agreed. Chimon was still in elementary when they last saw each other and though the latter was shy, he warmed up when Off invited him to eat out with the gang and later on became comfortable with each other to the point that Off urged him to be the band’s drummer after learning Chimon was a part of their school’s music club.

“I think he’s doing fine, he just likes sleeping in like me,” Tay said, assuring Off.

“Yeah. I think Chi’s the type of person who’ll let you know if he’s tired or uncomfortable of something,” Alice added. “Come on in, I reserved some food for you.

They sat down at the farthest corner of the bar as Alice brought them each a slice of lava cake and Thai tea. She can see how Off’s eyes lit up when he saw the cake. She shook her head how cute Off’s reaction was, _Such a baby_ , she thought.

They started to dig in on the food when Off thought of telling them about his feelings for Gun. He looked around and when he saw that there weren’t much people, he let out a sigh and turned towards the two.

“Hey,” Off started. “I wanna say something to the both of you. But please don’t tell it to anyone.”

“Sure,” Alice nodded. “Of course, dude,” Tay smiled, putting his hand around Off’s shoulder.

He counted to three before he spoke, “I like Gun.”

Tay almost spat out his drink while Alice just stared at him, her eyes wide suppressing a smile. “Took you long enough to admit it,” she said, side eyeing Off.

“I already know about it but I’m still surprised you said it out loud especially to us,” Tay added after he wiped his mouth.

“What do you mean? What’s with your reactions?” Off asked as he licked the chocolate off the spoon.

“Jumpol, you’re such a bright kid but I didn’t know you were at this level of being dense. Hahaha,” Alice snickered. “It’s very obvious to everyone how you and Gun has a special relationship. I mean, we’re all friends and all but I know – we know, that you and him treat each other way more special than us. I mean, you even got yourselves matching wristwatches.”

Tay nodded in agreement, “Plus, the way you look at him? Ugh. Give us a break. The both of you are way more clingy than I am to everyone. Squeezing each other’s hands in public? Hugging?” Tay rolled his eyes and Alice gave him a high five.

Off flared his nostrils, “Wow. I didn’t know you’re taking offense on those things. Hahaha. But ugh, I’m so obvious.” He shook his head and sighed. “I don’t know what to do. I’m kinda torn between confessing and keeping it to myself.”

“Yeah, it’s kinda tricky considering we all grew up together and stuff. But, as the saying goes, you’ll never know unless you try,” Alice smiled, touching his arm.

“We’ll support you in whatever decision you make about your feelings with Gun. Just keep in mind that your feelings for him should be true and you’re not doing something halfheartedly,” Tay offered. “Also yeah, you’re so obvious. Off Jumpol whipped.”

“Off Jumpol whipped for Gun Atthaphan,” Alice repeated as the three of them laughed. A weight has been lifted for Off. He knows that his friends will support and accept him but it’s still a different feeling when you hear affirmation directly from them.

* * *

“Hey, Arm,” Gun called to his friend who was busy looking at iron patches. The band had just finished rehearsals for their gig on Nonthaburi next week. They’ve practiced two new songs, dragging Gun along a music studio to ask for his opinion. They parted ways when Arm invited Gun to help him buy some cloths and other accessories he’ll use for their class in Pattern Making and Sewing.

“What? You’re tired already?” Arm turned his head at Gun. “Hmm, a bit. This fabric feels nice. This would look good on Off,” Gun replied, feeling the velvety surface of the brown fabric he’s been eyeing since earlier.

Arm sighed, “You’re talking about Off again. I’m just gonna pay for these then we’ll eat.” He went to the cashier and paid. Arm bought iron patches, buttons, and two types of fabric that he’ll be needing for their weekly output.

They then went to a bingsu place, savoring the coldness of the food. “Hey, Arm. I think I like Off,” Gun said out loud which made Arm almost choke. He quickly reached for his glass of water and coughed up a bit.

“Is it that so surprising?” Gun asked as he continued eating. “Not really,” Arm responded. “It’s just that I wasn’t expecting for you to tell me.” Gun shrugged.

“Besides, it’s not like I don’t have a clue of what’s going on between the two of you,” Arm said. “Ever since we’re kids, you and Jumpol are like this,” he twisted his two fingers together.

“Oh,” was all Gun could reply. He blinked a few times, recounting the moments he and Off were being extra clingy with each other in front of their friends. He blushed with the realization.

“So? What’re you gonna do with those feelings?” Arm prodded.

Gun sighed, “I really don’t know. There’s a side of me wanting to say how I like him but there’s also the other half of me being afraid of rejection and losing him as a friend in the process. I don’t even think that he’s interested in me.”

“What do you mean by that? He lets you hold his hand despite him being insecure of them because they’re rough and sweaty. You’re the first person he goes to when he’s finished a poem or a song. Heck, he even gave you a watch that’s a pair of his,” Arm pointed out.

“What’s your point?” Gun furrowed his brows together to which Arm rolled his eyes, “You’re so dense, goodness gracious. What I meant was, those are things that are enough for me to take into consideration that you, Gun Atthaphan, is important to Off Jumpol.”

Gun stared at Arm, “You have a point there.” Gun froze, “Wait a minute!” He clutched Arm’s hands, “What does that even mean?!”

Arm laughed out loud making the other customers looked their way, “Oh God. I can’t believe you. You said you’re not sure if Jumpol’s interested in you, right? But based on his actions concerning you, he is interested with you.”

“Hahaha. You’ve got to be kidding me, Arm. Off being interested in me?” Gun laughed. “But that would be nice, though.”

“You know what’s nicer than that?” Arm taunted Gun. “It’s you confessing to him and finding out whether my assumption is real or not.”

It was now Gun who rolled his eyes, “That sounds so easy but actually hard – and scary. I’m not sure I’m ready to know what his reaction would be when I say I like him. Also, I said I ‘think’ I like him. I’m not even sure of my own feelings. Maybe I’m just getting fazed by everything.”

“Whatever you say, Gun. The decision’s all up on you, anyway. I just hope that it won’t be too late when you’ve decided,” Arm sighed.

“You’re one to talk but you haven’t even confessed to Alice,” Gun teased, trying to lighten up the mood but his mind is ravaged of ‘what ifs’ and ‘I would love for that to happen’ that he can’t keep himself from smiling.

“No comment!” Arm said, his eyes widening, making them both laugh.


	9. august

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for updating slowly. Been very busy and feeling down for the past days but I'm feeling better now. I'll try to work quickly on the next chapters because we're nearing important events on the story. Thanks so much for reading. :)

**track nine**

**August 2012**

“Hey Gun, the teacher wants to talk with you at the faculty,” Ohm called to Gun who was busy reading fashion magazines, looking for inspiration.

“Thanks,” he replied and went on ahead. There were almost no one at the faculty and their teacher, Ms. Gorfern, beckoned to him as soon as he stepped in of the room. Gun eyed the man who stood beside the teacher.

“Hello, Gun. I called for you because we have visitor who would like to ask you about something,” Ms. Gorfern said as she motioned for the two to seat down.

“Good day Mr. Phunsawat. I am Mr. Sathaporn, I work as a Feature Editor at BK Mag. Our magazine features young Thai artists aiming to showcase and highlight our country’s contemporary arts scene. In line with that, I asked your university through your teacher to recommend someone who we can include for this month’s feature. We’ve also been researching about young artists online and our team is lucky enough to come across your works. So in behalf of our magazine, I’d like to ask you if you’d give us the privilege to interview you and show us some of your artworks,” the man explained as he handed Gun their magazine. “Here’s a copy of our magazine so you can also see how we do our features.”

Gun was nodding the whole time Mr. Sathaporn was talking. He was in a daze. Of course he knew BK Mag, he’d imagined himself being featured on it and now he’s just one step ahead of realizing that dream. He browsed through the magazine, trying to hide his excitement, as he imagined himself clothed in designer brands, having his hair and makeup done and being asked by the photographer to pose for them.

“Thank you so much for recommending me, Miss. And thank you also for the opportunity,” Gun said bowing to the two elders.

* * *

“Congrats, Gun! Wow!” Off exclaimed. Their classes had just been dismissed and Gun hurriedly went over to Off’s faculty building to share the good news. They were now walking towards one of the benches under the trees and sat as they waited for Tay and Alice.

“I can’t believe it. You’re famous now!” Off shook Gun’s arms, his excitement and happiness cannot be contained.

“You’re even more excited than me. Hahaha. Calm down,” Gun teased. “Oh I know how you’re just keeping it to yourself,” Off retorted, which was the truth. Gun could jump up and down due to excitement because of the interview offer but he would want to reserve his energy until he comes back home and share the news with his father.

“When’s it gonna happen by the way?”

“Next week. They’re gonna email me the questions and their concept ideas. I’ll be bringing some of my works, too,” Gun replied as he handed Off the magazine Mr. Sathaporn gave him earlier. Off gladly took it and browsed through the pages, “Don’t forget to mention me.”

“What am I gonna say about you? That you come to my room on the wee hours of the night? They might think we’re doing ungodly things then!” Gun joked. Off looked at him, noting how Gun’s nose scrunch up with his head tilted back whenever he laughs has never changed since they were young as well as the dimples showing through which he’d liked to poke.

“Oy!” Tay called as he and Alice walked towards them, waving his hands.

“Gun’s got some good news. Hurry!” Off stood up.

“And what good news is that?” Alice asked Gun.

“I’m gonna be featured on BK Mag!” Gun squealed as he pointed at the magazine. Tay and Alice’s eyes widened. “That’s like the one where they feature young artists, right? Wow, Gun. I’m so happy for you!” Alice hugged him. “I’ll call mom so we can celebrate!”

As Alice broke free from their hug, Tay grabbed Gun and lifted him, “Congrats, Gun!” The smaller man giggled as he and Tay swayed from side to side.

Off looked at Tay with an irritated face, his hands at his waist and Tay immediately realized what it meant and gently placed Gun down, “Sorry, I got excited,” Tay said to Gun but he also meant it for Off. “Congratulations again, Gun! You deserve it.” He glanced at Off who was obviously jealous. Tay just smiled and shook his head.

* * *

The photoshoot was scheduled on Sunday and Gun had asked Off if he would accompany him. He had initially asked Arm since he knows the latter would be elated to be present at a photoshoot but Arm can’t come because of school stuff. Off, of course, was very eager to accompany Gun.

Gun’s father dropped them off at Pathum Wan district where the office of BK Mag was located. It was also a good thing that it’s along the way of their other shops which Gun’s father will make rounds. The call time was 9 in the morning and yet they were greeted by young and energetic people from the publication. Mr. Sathaporn was there and even shook hands with Off, introducing everyone present to the both of them. Before Gun went to hair and makeup, they were given some coffee and sandwich. While they ate, Gun was briefed by Mr. Sathaporn and Jeje, the art director. Off sat silently beside them as he sipped his coffee, looking at Gun who just nodded as he listened to how the shoot would go. He could sense that Gun was nervous, seeing how the latter kept on bouncing his knees under the table. Off placed his hand on Gun’s right knee and squeezed it softly. The latter glanced at him and smiled as he placed his hand above Off’s.

Gun changed into cute simple clothes after a few minutes. He wore a blue vest over a white shirt paired with grey denim pants. With a silk cloth tied around his neck, black rimmed eyeglasses and blue beret, Gun looked like the typical representation of what an artist looks like. Off also took some pictures using his phone. He can see how Gun was enjoying it despite being nervous and whenever Gun glances at his direction, the latter would smile shyly, revealing his dimples – making the photographer coo in joy with how the photos have been coming out pretty well especially with how Gun’s artworks stood out in the background.

The photoshoot lasted for almost two hours and now it was time for the interview. BK Mag emailed the questions to Gun three days after Mr. Sathaporn’s visit. It was mostly about Gun’s personal life and how he came to start drawing and painting, as well as where does he get inspirations. Off was surprised when Gun mentioned him as one of the inspirations.

“I look at various fashion magazines and BK Mag as well to see what’s in trend especially on the concepts. I also browse through the accounts of my favorite artists since they sometimes post techniques and stuff. I still don’t have any specific art style because I’m training myself to adapt. I started drawing semi-realistic portraits with warm color palettes but I can also paint in abstract especially when I’m listening to music,” Gun motioned to Off. “My friend over there is one of the reasons why I started painting in abstract. I get inspirations from the albums we would listen together but I only started painting it when he started composing songs and I was the first one he’d let me hear it.” Gun smiled at the camera and continued, “Not to sound pretentious but abstract art for me can express my emotions, like I’m pouring my emotions through the colors and lines.”

After a few more questions and taking a group photo with the whole staff and even with Off, the interview was done. They had lunch with everyone before Off and Gun left at 2 in the afternoon.

“When are they going to publish it?” Off asked as they hailed a cab.

“Later this month,” Gun answered as soon as they got inside. As the car started, Gun looked at the loot bags they were given. It contained macaroons and two café gift certificates.

“You didn’t have to say that,” Off whispered. “What did I say?” Gun turned his head at the taller one.

“You didn’t have to mention me during the interview. I mean, that was your moment,” Off explained.

“Oy, you literally said some days ago that I shouldn’t forget to mention you,” Gun pinched his arm making the other whimper. “I was just being true to my words. And besides, that’s a fact. Your songs inspire me.”

They were both silent as Gun stared at Off, the latter being unable to answer at Gun’s response. Off just felt shy when Gun regarded him as someone who inspires him much less his songs with such weak lyrics.

“Stop overthinking,” Gun took down Off’s hand as the latter was absentmindedly biting his nails. “I thought you’ve already stopped doing that.”

“Sorry,” Off whispered. Gun sighed and squeezed Off’s hand softly, both of them smiling as they looked through the window.

* * *

“Gun!” Off called from the bedroom porch. He looked through the glass and saw Gun asleep on his bed. The sliding glass door was unlocked and Off immediately went inside and tapped Gun on his shoulder.

“Gun wake up! I have some good news!” Off now shook the sleeping man. Gun groaned, “Jesus Christ, Off Jumpol. What is the matter?”

Off laughed, “Pshaw! It’s just 9pm and you’re already asleep.” Gun rolled his eyes as he propped himself up, “You better be bringing me something worthy of breaking my beauty rest.”

“Gun, you’re not gonna believe this. But thanks to that video, I think we’re getting signed to a music label!” Off exclaimed, squealing like a kid.

“Oh my God? That’s – oh God. Congratulations!” Gun said as he pulled Off into a hug. “I don’t know what to say but, oh my God, congratulations!”

The video Off was pertaining to was from their performance in Rangsit University two days ago. The student council through Arm, invited their band to be a guest performer for their school fair. It’s been a year since they won that talent contest. By being paid to play at The House and at Nonthaburi, they’ve started to gain some popularity with the other local bars and restaurants. They’ve also been invited to perform at school fairs inside and outside Chula. And with the advent of technology, they’ve also gained some following through social media. And being noticed by a music label and even offering them to be signed, takes the cake of their whole experience playing as a band. The video that went viral on Facebook was of them performing a cover of “Glai Kae Nai Keu Glai (ไกลแค่ไหนคือใกล้)” by Getsunova.

Gun pulled away from the hug, the both of them smiling from ear to ear, “I’m so happy for you and everyone. Your dream’s finally coming true!” He held Off’s hands tightly.

“Why are you crying?” Off teased. Gun just laughed as he wiped tears from his eyes, “I’m just so happy. I mean, you’ve only started playing as a band for a year and you’ve already gained some fans and now this!”

“Thanks for always being there with me,” Off pinched the other man’s cheek. “The producer called me earlier asking when they could talk with us about stuff. I said we’re free on Saturday. I’ve only said this to you but I don’t know how to break this to the others. Especially Tay. If you already cried, what more will his reaction will be?”

They both laughed at that. Everyone knows how Tay is such a transparent and carefree person – he’s never afraid to show and tell everyone what he’s thinking and feeling. A lovable dork adored by anyone, truly a ball of sunshine. Tay would cry for hours out of happiness once he hears this news. Arm would just smile and Chimon would jump up and down.

“Man, I can’t believe this is really happening,” Off sighed. “I guess our what ifs are going to come true, huh?”

Gun widened his eyes, “God I hope it’s just the good what ifs.”


	10. lover, please stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say hi to some of our new characters.

**track ten**

**2014**

Their internship and graduation went by quickly just like how Off, Tay, Arm, and Chimon shot up to stardom when they got signed under Victor Zheng’s Bandsintown. Off requested a special clause in their two-year contract, that Gun will be the only artist to do the band’s album art. Two months after they were signed, they released a 10-track self-entitled album, half of it were cover songs and the five more were original compositions by Off. Lee Thanat, their manager, took care of them as they juggled schooling and performing as a band. Their 2012 consisted of them doing media promotions composed of interviews and guestings. Their songs were a hit and music reviewers commended Off for his songwriting prowess. They filmed music videos where they wore clothing created by Arm and in which some of Gun’s artworks were shown. They bathe in popularity, their faces plastered everywhere. And Victor loved it but he loves more the money he’s getting from the band. True they weren’t just the only talents under his label, but they were the most popular since they were undoubtedly all good looking. Lee knew how Victor could be evil and so he tried his best to protect Off and his band. He didn’t want for Off to suffer just like what his old talents went through under Victor’s label. He urged Victor to set up a good PR and security team for Off and the others. And he always made sure that they had full control with their music.

During their Fourth Year, Lee was the one who came up with the idea that they should lessen down their activities so as to focus on their internship.

“That’s not a good idea,” Victor had said to Lee when the latter proposed it. “Their popularity will dwindle down if their fans would see them less.”

“I beg to disagree. This move will make their fans respect them even more, seeing how they could juggle their school and performing well and how they value education,” Lee noted.

And Lee was right. Their popularity didn’t dwindle down but even shot up as their fans showed support to the companies they were doing internship by sending food packs. Their fans were kind enough to not bother them on their workplaces, even holding back themselves to camp outside of the buildings to get a glimpse or take a picture with them. Even Gun and Alice were loved by their fans. Some of their fans became regulars at The House wherein Off and the others would sometimes perform and talk with them, trying to get to know their fans who had supported them.

Their live performances were lessened by it was the interviews and magazine features which doubled. They experienced going to four different locations in one day to do photoshoots. It was a good thing that Lee requested Victor to get them a van which was driven by their label’s trusty staff, Singto.

Despite the busy schedule, the gang still get to hang out with each other especially during the weekends where they would meet up at The House.

Their Fourth Year was chaotic for Tay and his boyfriend, New whom he met when the latter applied as a part-time server at The House. It was love at first sight. But they had a problem with New’s father and Tay’s mother.

“It must be because you didn’t had a father growing up,” Tay’s mother cried after he brought New to their home for lunch.

Tay frowned and tried to hold back his frustration, “Mom. My sexuality isn’t based on who I live with. I don’t know how to explain it and I shouldn’t really be explaining how I am gay but I hope you will respect me and our relationship.”

His sister, Mook was supportive. She liked New because he was the complete opposite of Tay. Her brother was loud and sometimes very emotional whereas New was very much calm and timid. He kept himself composed even when their mother had obviously shown irritation during their lunch and Mook was impressed. She also liked how she saw Tay act gentle towards New, his face softening whenever he looks at the latter, clearly showing how his brother was very much love.

New’s father found out their relationship when he saw Tay drop off New outside their house. He was in denial of New being gay and tried to break them off especially when Tay became popular. And when New resisted, his father kicked him out of the house. New’s mother couldn’t do anything for fear it would be her husband who would leave.

New moved in with Tay during their Fourth Year. Tay’s mom objected but through the intervention of Off’s parents, she accepted the situation.

New went to Kasetsart University at Chatuchak and was enrolled under the Industrial Engineering program. His parents own a stall at Chatuchak market selling vintage and antique items. He wanted to help financially help his parents and lessening their burden so he applied as a server at The House. The moment Tay walked through the door, he had already liked him. And it was the same for Tay. They became official after three months of dating. The rest of the gang and their families were supportive of them especially Alice’s parents, her mother even joking that they had another son. And it warmed New’s heart, seeing how loving they were, no wonder Tay had a sunny personality.

* * *

Days after their graduation, they had a celebratory dinner at The House. They even invited Lee and Victor and some of the people on their team but it was only Victor who didn’t come. It was also that night that Gun had shared the good news to everyone.

“I’m going to be away for awhile,” Gun had said which made everyone collectively say ‘what.’ His father laughed at everyone’s reaction especially at Off’s who shouted the loudest.

“I was invited to be a part of an exhibit which will be held on different countries,” Gun continued. “They said they wanted me to be a part of it to somehow represent Thailand. I’m one of the three participants from Asia and also the youngest.”

“Wow,” Alice said. “We’re so happy for you.” Everyone cheered except for Off and Gun knows why.

“Why didn’t you even mentioned it to me?” Off had asked after the dinner. They sat outside Gun’s room near the bodega.

“I was waiting for the right time. Plus, you were busy. I didn’t wanna bother,” Gun answered. He held Off’s hand but the latter wriggled it away. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re gonna leave me,” Off bitterly said. “So much for our promises that night.” He looked at Gun intently while the latter looked at his hands, both of them were holding back their tears. Gun knew exactly what night Off was pertaining to. He cursed at himself. He was the one who teased Off then about being famous and forgetting but here he was, guilty as hell.

“I just received the invite yesterday. Please, Off. Don’t be mad,” Gun pleaded. “Can’t you just be happy for me?”

“I am happy for you,” Off retorted. “It’s just that I was hurt. I thought we say things to each other first.” His voice softened. “And now you’re leaving.”

Gun poked Off’s cheek, “You’re such a softie.” He smiled at Off who swatted his hand away but then smiled after. “Don’t worry, Off. I won’t forget you even if we’re countries apart.”

Off rolled his eyes, “Yeah sure. But don’t call me whenever you had a hard time speaking with foreigners.”

Gun flipped a finger at the other man, making them both laugh, their worries slowly dissipating but not fully gone. Both of their stomachs twist at the thought of being away with each other for a long time, their minds both full of fear.

The night before Gun’s flight, Off spent the night over, helping the latter pack his belongings.

“You’ll call me, right?” Off asked Gun as they folded clothes together, sitting on the floor. Gun turned to look at him, he could see how Off was holding back his tears with the way the latter pinched his nose.

“Yes, I will. You’re the first person I’ll call once I land there,” Gun touched his shoulder. Off just nodded, he was still folding clothes and carefully placing it on the luggage.

“Are you sure it’s okay for you and the others to come with me at the airport tomorrow?” Gun asked. It’s been a year since they were signed as a band and they’ve quickly became famous.

“Yeah. Lee gave us a go signal,” Off looked up at him, forcing a smile. “I can’t believe our dreams are coming true.”

Gun looked down at his hands and smiled, “Yeah. It’s all so fast. One night we were just messing around here and now we’ve both become busy.”

It was just two weeks ago when Gun was invited to be a part of a travelling exhibition by the Bangkok Art and Culture Center in cooperation with various museums in Bangkok and around the world and some days ago, they held an exhibition as a start-up for the said exhibition which was covered by both local and international media. It was an all-expense paid exhibition where they would stay to 10 different countries and have their artworks set up for two weeks. Gun’s popularity shot up at the same time Off’s band did. One could say that their success went hand in hand especially when it’s public knowledge that it was Gun who made the designs on their debut album and Gun’s artworks posted on social media were titled with Off’s lyrics. Their gang’s friendship was always one of the topics whenever either of them are interviewed.

“What were the countries again?” Off asked as he looked at Gun’s passport. Gun took out their itinerary list, “China, Hong Kong, Philippines, Singapore, France, Italy, Germany, USA, Japan, and South Korea. Then back here in Thailand.”

“Don’t forget to buy us some souvenirs,” Off joked which made Gun roll his eyes. “Yeah right,” he answered. “We’re done, right? Shall we sleep?”

After Off had positioned the luggage beside the door, he joined Gun on the bed. They both stared at the ceiling. He slowly reached for Gun’s hand across the bed. They held hands in silence until they fell asleep.

* * *

Everyone went with them to the airport but it was only the gang and Gun’s father who went inside the terminal alongside other participants and their families. There were some media personnel interviewing the event organizers and some photographers were quick to snap pictures of Off and the others.

When their flight was called, Gun hugged each of them who were all crying except for Off and Gun’s father who were both comforting Tay, laughing as the latter covered with his face for fear paparazzi would snap at him.

“You take good care son,” Gun’s father hugged him tight. Gun sniffed. It would be nice if his mom was here. “Yes, dad. I will. And you, too.”

He hugged Off last, “Thank you.” He said. Off just smiled at him, “Take care, Gun.”

As Gun turned his back, he suddenly felt a tug on his hand. He looked back and saw it was Off who then pulled him in for a hug.

“Off,” Gun whispered but Off just burrowed his head on the smaller guy’s head, trying to hide his face despite him already wearing yellow-tinted glasses. He can already hear Lee reprimanding him amidst the sound of camera shutters.

“… Please, stay,” Off muttered in a muffled voice. He didn’t know if Gun was able to hear it.

“I gotta go now,” Gun said, his hand tapping the taller man’s back. He could see his father and the others acting as if they weren’t seeing anything and it made him shy. “I’ll be back. I promise.” He assured Off.

Off’s lips grazed Gun’s neck, startling the latter. He looked at Off as he pulled away from the hug. Off laughed, his nose reddening.

“I’ll wait for you,” Off said as he patted Gun’s head.


	11. we talk all the time

**track eleven**

**December 2014 – Sacramento, California**

“Joss,” Gun moaned as the man on top of him kissed every part of his body.

“What? I’m just keeping you warm,” Joss said, his hot breath fanning over Gun’s stomach. “See, your shivering?”

Gun could only sigh and moan in response. He didn’t expect himself to be caught up with someone in a foreign place, not when he knows within himself that he’s in love – still in love with Off. But the feeling of homesickness got to him and Joss’ warm smile and cheery personality was irresistible.

“Don’t leave marks. I have to attend a Christmas dinner later,” Gun breathed. Joss kept on kissing his body up to the smaller man’s neck which he sucked and bit lightly. He laughed when Gun pushed him away.

“I just said to not leave marks,” Gun sighed as he sat up on the bed with just a blanket only covering them. Joss eyed his naked body filled with healing bruises. Gun blushed and covered himself with the blanket.

“It’s not like I haven’t seen your wholeness yet,” Joss teased as he kissed Gun’s cheek. He wrapped his arms around Gun, their backs on the wooden headboard. “Aren’t you going to call your family back home?”

Gun reached for his phone and saw that it’s already past 8 in the morning. Thailand is 14 hours ahead meaning, it’s 10 in the evening back at home. “We don’t really celebrate Christmas like almost everyone does since we’re not Christians. And I don’t even know if they’re still up. But maybe I’ll call them tomorrow.” Right after Gun finished his statement, his phone rang. He looked at the screen and immediately answered it when he saw Off’s name.

“Hello?” Gun whispered. He turned his back to Joss who had already know who was on the other line.

Joss knew about Off and Gun’s feelings for him and truth be told, he was a bit jealous of the man. The first time Joss saw Gun, he already liked him especially when he saw the latter talking at the school where Joss worked as a part time nude model for art classes. Gun on the other hand, felt relieved when Joss approached him, a fellow Thai.

“Are these your creations?” Joss spoke to him in Thai. Gun’s eyes widened, “Oh my gosh. Thank God I have someone to talk to. My tongue’s getting all twisted speaking in English.” They both laughed.

“Tell me, how does your tongue twist?” Joss, cheeky as he was, teased Gun. He was expecting Gun to bite back but the latter was frozen, his cheeks turning red.

But that was almost three weeks ago. Ever since then, Gun had spent most of his evenings at Joss’ apartment, three blocks away from the hotel they’re staying in. Kwang, the travelling exhibition’s liaison who was also Thai, would always reprimand him when she would see Gun walk through the hotel at 9 am in turtle necks or high-collared shirts.

Gun liked Joss. And he felt guilty of how Joss was willing to be Off’s stand even for a short while. They both know they’re hurting each other with their current set up, but they both know it was just another hook up as they would soon leave each other.

“Thank God you’re awake,” Off sighed. His voice cracked, as if he was crying, and Gun was quick to take note of it. “Have you been crying?” Gun asked. “Why are you still even up, though? You have a full schedule tomorrow right?”

Off laughed bitterly, “Can’t you even lie that you miss me? Or is it I took your time away from your boy toy?” Gun flinched at Off’s sarcasm. He shouldn’t have told Off about Joss but he couldn’t hep himself to mention the man to Off especially when it felt like he was cheating on the latter. And ever since Gun mentioned Joss, Off wouldn’t stop being bitter about it.

Gun sighed, “Off. Come on. You know I miss you and the others. And please, his name is Joss and he’s not my boy toy.” He whispered the last words, afraid that the man on the bed would hear him. “Hey. Are you drunk? Again?”

“No,” Off coughed. But he was in fact, drunk at the moment. He was jealous over the fact that Gun was spending the nights with someone else and also bitter because that someone else wasn’t him but a man Gun had just met. He hate the thought of someone kissing Gun other than him.

“You’re lying,” Gun said in a raised voice. “Didn’t we already talked about this? That you should quit smoking and drinking or else, Victor will tell your ears off again. And the paparazzi! You know how they’ve always been on your heels.”

“Come home then,” Off said as he took a drag. Four months without seeing or holding Gun was taking a toll on him. This was the first time they were away and also the first time they were starting new things without each other. It didn’t also help that he was having a hard time with the band especially now that all of their friends hate him.

Gun let out a deep sigh. If he could only just go back to Thailand right now, he would’ve done it. He bit his lip before he replied, “I will come back. I promised you, didn’t I?”

**August 2014 – Beijing, China**

“Hi,” Off immediately answered the call when he saw it was from Gun. “Miss me already?”

“Silly,” Gun replied. “I was making true to my words. I said you’ll be the first person I’ll call when we’ve landed.”

They just arrived at the Grand Hyatt Hotel where they will be staying for three weeks. They were grouped into three and Gun would be sharing the lavish hotel room with Leeroy New from the Philippines and Takashi Murakami from Japan.

Off was back at his house. He’d already asked Lee to clear their schedule for today because of Gun’s flight. More than three hours have passed but he’s already missing Gun. He sat on his bed, looking at some of Gun’s artworks.

“How was the flight? Did they told you your schedule for today?” Off asked as he bit his fingernails.

Gun was at their room’s small terrace, sitting on one of the low chairs. “It’s great. We were all well-taken care of. The perks of having the monarchy sponsoring us, I guess.” He paused for awhile, “Hey. Stop biting your nails.”

Off laughed in surprise, “How did you even know I was biting my nails?” He could imagine Gun rolling his eyes.

“You always do that when you’re sad or nervous,” Gun replied. Off only hummed in agreement on the other line. “Hey,” Gun called on to him. “I miss you already.”

Off was surprised to say the least. Sometimes Gun could be blunt but he didn’t expect for Gun to say it outright that he’s missing him already. He sighed and smiled at the knowledge that Gun was also missing him. “I miss you, too already,” Off shyly replied.

Gun’s week was loaded. They attended various gala dinners meeting top officials and even celebrities. It was as if they were celebrities and Gun wondered how Off and his band managed to not get tired as soon as they became signed and was booked doing promotions almost every day.

It was a good thing that there were some Thai people on the staff of the travelling exhibition like Kwang and Nook, who both worked as interpreters and liasons. He and the two women were almost together always. Gun would sometimes go out of the way to sit beside them every time they would all meet. He and the other artists especially his roommates also got along well and despite the problem of language barrier, they would still have a good time.

Aside from attending lunch meetings and gala dinners, their schedule consisted of them being present at the galleries their artworks were displayed and also meeting with the press for interviews and such. One could say they especially Gun, were having the time of their lives as their faces, names, and artworks were printed to almost every newspaper and magazine.

Gun, just like the other artists, were instructed to prepare at least 7 artworks to be displayed. All of the paintings Gun brought had Off’s lyrics as titles because he all made those right after Off played him his compositions. It was a good thing that Lee talked it out with Victor over copyright issues and let Gun use the lyrics without asking for any royalty or commissions. Besides, Gun didn’t even thought that anyone would be interested in buying his artworks.

“Congratulations, Gun,” Nook had whispered to him on their third day at Today Art Museum. Gun looked at her, puzzled.

Turns out, a celebrity who wanted to remain anonymous purchased one of his paintings for a hefty sum. Though they were already prepped about how their artworks can be bought by people, Gun still didn’t thought about the idea that other people could really like his creations.

Gun hurriedly called Off to tell him the good news. “Someone just bought my artwork!” He squealed over the phone. Off on the other line was still groggy, it’s just 4 in the morning but he’s very much willing to listen to Gun.

“That’s good news, Gun,” Off yawned. “Congratulations.”

Gun realized how early it was back in Thailand, “Oops. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

Off laughed softly, “It’s okay. It’s nothing compared to all the times I woke you up before. Hahaha.”

Gun laughed at the memory. It both seemed not too long ago and yet as if it just happened yesterday. He sighed and shook his head. It’s only been days and he’s already getting sentimental. What more of the coming months?

“I shall let you sleep then. I’ll try to call you up again later or tomorrow. Take care, Off,” Gun paused. “I miss you,” whispering the three words, getting shy with himself.

Off smiled as soon as he heard Gun mutter those words. He can imagine the latter blushing, “I miss you, too. Take care.”


	12. pink + white

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've noticed, i changed chiang mai to nonthaburi on the past chapters because i miscalculated how far chiang mai was to the story's original setting. so sorry it took me so long to update this. life happened. thanks so much for reading this. i hope you're doing well! :)

**track twelve**

**September 2014 – Thailand**

“Are you fucking serious?!” Tay growled at Victor. Arm and Chimon tried to calm him down but Tay was already coming at Off who was at the other end of the table. “You fucker. You didn’t even consulted us!”

Off just held his head down, “I’m sorry.” He whispered.

Tay walked out of the office, banging at the door shut. Arm and Chimon followed but not after they threw disproving looks at Off and their heads shaking in disbelief.

“Don’t mind them,” Victor called to him as he put his hand on Off’s shoulder which the man shook away, “Just stop. I hope you’re happy now, though.”

**Hong Kong**

“Wait, what?” Gun shouted as soon as Alice broke the news to him over the phone. “Are you serious? What did Off said?”

“Arm said he didn’t said anything at the meeting earlier. I can’t believe it either. I’m just hoping that Off agreed to it for a number of reasons. Arm and Tay are angry at him, even Chimon,” Alice sighed. As soon as the three boys went to The House and relayed to her what had happened, she quickly called Gun, hoping that the latter would be able to talk it out with Off. “I’m sorry I called you. It’s just 9 am and I know you’re busy.”

“No, no. It’s fine. I’m glad you told me. I’m gonna call Off and ask him about it,” Gun replied. He excused himself at the banquet hall where they just had breakfast and hurriedly went up to his hotel room. “Thanks for letting me know, Alice. Bye.”

As soon as their call ended, he dialed Off’s number and when the latter quickly answered, he sighed in relief.

“So I guess you already know?” Off said as soon as he picked up the call, Gun could sense the bitterness on his voice.

“Why?” Gun asked in return. A heavy silence fell between them.

“I just had to do it,” Off sighed. “I… I was in a tight position.”

Gun bit his lip, “What really happened then? Wait. Are you drinking?”

“It’s just beer. Besides, it’s 8 pm somewhere. Haha,” Off laughed after drinking the alcohol. He drove back to his condo unit right after he talked with Lee, their conversation full of the latter saying ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I’ll help you, I promise.’

“Off,” Gun called to him. “Stop drinking and tell me what happened.”

“Victor forced me to sign another contract under his label but he wanted me to have new band members,” Off stated. “I couldn’t say no. Not when he threatened me that he won’t let you do our album covers and let me compose my own songs.”

Gun massaged his temples. He couldn’t believe at the situation that’s unfolding. He can’t believe Victor would do that to Off when he presented himself as someone reliable and kind back when they first met. And Victor even had the audacity to use him against Off, his best friend.

“So what would happen now?” Gun asked.

“I’m gonna be under the label for six more months, if I remember correctly. Victor’s gonna bring me new band mates because he said I should focus on being the vocalist, on becoming the band’s image. Pfft,” Off sneered. “I’m digging my own grave, aren’t I?”

“Why didn’t you told all that to Tay and the others? They would understand it,” Gun said in return.

“I would, if only they’d let me. But Tay was too angry they stormed out of the office. I couldn’t blame them, though,” Off answered. “I’m a selfish prick and I already hate myself.”

Gun looked through the window on his room, reaching out to the skyscrapers and foggy sky. His eyes now hot with tears, “I don’t hate you, though.” He managed to say as his mouth trembled.

“You’re gonna stay with me, right?” Off asked as he bit his fingernails.

“Yes,” Gun answered quickly.

“Why can’t you be here?” Off groaned. “I don’t know what to do. I need you.”

“I’m sorry,” was all Gun said. They were now both crying and also trying to not let the person on the other line hear their sobs.

As soon as Bandsintown released the statement of Off having new band mates, the media and people online started speculating and even started throwing hate towards Off being selfish. Lee uninstalled all the social media apps on Off’s phone and instructing the latter to not read the tabloids and watch gossip shows. But Off already knows what Lee didn’t want for him to see and hear.

Everyone was worried for Off especially his parents who would always call him. Ever since Off moved to the condo near the label, he and his parents would only meet up during the weekends. He missed his parents but he didn’t also want for their privacy to be threatened especially with their job as professors at an esteemed university.

“What happened, son?” Off’s father had asked over dinner the weekend the news broke out.

Off looked down on his plate, “I can’t really talk about it because of legal reasons. But it’s going to be alright.” He said that not only to his parents but also to himself. _Everything’s gonna be alright_.

His parents both looked at each other, “We’re worried for you.”

“Don’t be. I’m okay. I promise,” he lied. “Lee would take care of everything. Check in with Tay and the others for me. We’re… pretty much not on speaking terms right now.”

“Damn that fool!” Tay put his fist down at the table. Arm and Chimon could only shake their heads in disbelief after Alice had told them what Gun said to her about Off being forced and threatened by Victor to sign a new contract.

“P’Off could’ve told us,” Chimon said. “I would understand him – We would.”

“Man. I never thought this kind of mess happens in real life,” Arm put his hands over his face. Alice reached out for his boyfriend’s hands making Arm smile.

“Get a room,” Tay snorted at the sight of the two being lovey-dovey. The rest of them just laughed.

Arm finally confessed to Alice after their graduation and through Arm’s perseverance of wooing her, Alice grew a liking to her childhood friend. Their parents were supportive of their relationship even teasing them, saying that Arm had finally grew a backbone.

“You talk as if you don’t have a lover yourself, P’Tay,” Chimon teased. Tay only glared at the younger man as the rest of them laughed and New is walking towards them with a puzzled face.

New had already landed himself a job at one of the best engineering firms in Bangkok and even though he had already resigned from working as a part timer at The House, he would always go there to hang out with everyone. Especially since he and his father are still estranged and he’s still living with Tay.

“What’s going on?” New asked he sat down beside Tay. “I can already sense that you’re talking about something serious seeing that you’ve closed the place for awhile.”

Some media personnel have camped outside the establishment ever since the news popped out, hoping to interrogate the others about the issue. Alice had advised her parents for The House to close down for a day or two and as soon as the issue dies down, they would continue their operations. Besides, their other branches would still be open.

“It’s about Off,” Alice replied and New’s mouth formed a big O. “We finally knew what really happened.”

“So, are you going to talk with Off now?” New asked after they told him the reason why Off continued with Bandsintown without Arm, Tay and Chimon.

“I’m still hurt,” Tay admitted.

Arm chimed in, “Me, too. But I guess sending a message is enough. You know, just to let him know that we already know what’s the real score.”

They all nodded in agreement with Alice smiling and sighing in relief. She and Gun could hope for the better.

_“Alice,” Gun cried. “I’m so worried for Off.”_

_“Me, too,” Alice sighed._

_“He’s started drinking,” Gun said._

_“What?!”_

_“Please check up on him. Don’t let his parents know of this, okay?” Gun begged. “I gotta go now, Alice. Take care of him, please.”_

* * *

“Let me get over this meeting by introducing you your new band members. Gunsmile, Mild, and Guy,” Victor gestured at them.

Off sat across them and didn’t even hide his disinterest as Victor introduced his new band members, the replacement of his friends – a condition that he accepted in exchange of him being able to continue singing the songs he composed and also to keep on having Gun’s artworks as his album covers.

“Gunsmile Chanagun will be Chimon’s replacement. He has been a drummer for almost 5 years and has worked as a touring drummer to several local and international bands alongside with Guy Sivakorn here who will be your new bassist,” Victor continued. “As I’ve said before, I want you to focus on being the band’s singer and face, and also on your songwriting.”

Off scoffed when Victor said ‘songwriting,’ because he knows that it’s a lie. Lee, held his shoulder, signaling to hold back.

“Continue, sir,” Lee smiled at Victor.

“Mild Lapassalan here will be Arm’s replacement. She’ll also serve as young back up vocalist so if you can write a song that you can have a duet on, that’ll be good,” Victor said. “Tomorrow will be your official contract signing. We’ll also have a press conference while we’re at it.” He turned to Lee, “Brief them on the questions that are likely to be asked tomorrow.”

Lee nodded then turned to the three new members, “I’ll be your manager from this day on. I’m glad to take care of everyone.”

Both Guy and Mild shook hands with him as they all stood up. They shook hands with Off also, all of them smiling awkwardly. Gunsmile on the other hand brazenly walked out of the conference room.

Off looked at Lee, “Well, at least he’s being honest with his actions. Can I go home now? I won’t be late tomorrow, I promise.”

“They seemed nice. Except for that Gunsmile,” Off said to Gun over the phone. As soon as he got home, he called his best friend. He took a sip from his beer, “When are you coming home?”

Gun was inside their hotel room. It was a Thursday afternoon and they just finished eating lunch. Almost everyone either retreated to their rooms or went out for a stroll. He sat at the foot of his bed, folding his clothes.

“Soon,” he replied. “I’m gonna come home soon.”

“You always say that,” Off told him back, his voice tainted with hurt and longing.

Gun sighed, “You miss me that much, huh?” He joked as he tried to make the situation light.

“Yeah,” Off quickly answered. “I miss you so much, Gun.” He wiped his tears away and quietly sniffed. He didn’t want to worry Gun even more especially now that the latter has been made aware of him smoking and drinking. Gun may not tell him who was his source but he knows that it’s Alice who told him. Alice went to his unit one time to cook him some dinner and also deliver the baked goods Off’s mom asked her to. There were beer bottles and cigarette butts laying around the unit. He got an earful from Alice because of that and he only hugged her in answer.

“I miss you, too,” Gun whispered. “I’ll come back soon, I promise.” He touched one of the shirts he was folding. It was Off’s. A black worn out shirt he chucked off from the man’s closet back when they were in high school. He folded it inside another shirt so Off wouldn’t see it since the latter helped him with his luggage before he left. Gun wears it every night he misses home, which was every time. it’s gone thin due to constant washing but it always made him feel warm.

“What time’s your presscon tomorrow? Will it be shown on the TV?” Gun asked as he looked up the ceiling, trying to stop his tears from falling down.

“Ten. Ten in the morning. But I need to get at the office by nine for hair and makeup,” Off answered. He went to his closet, bringing out clothes that he could wear for tomorrow. “I don’t know if it will be shown on TV but maybe it will be. Maybe just a 15-minute spot on the news.”

“Then you should sleep early,” Gun stated. “So you’d look good in the camera.” They both laughed at that.

“How about you? What’s your schedule, little artist?” Off teased. He opened another can of beer from the fridge.

Gun giggled, “Little artist, huh. We’ll have a dinner gala later. Tomorrow’s our free time so maybe we’ll go shopping or something. I’m also working on something so maybe I’ll finish it by tomorrow or Sunday. Do you want anything I can buy tomorrow? There’s a lot of stores here who sell branded stuff at a cheap price.”

“And where would you get the money to buy those?” Off asked. He knows nothing about art exhibitions and although he knows that Gun has sold off some of his works on this exhibition, he didn’t bother asking how much were they.

“Sponsors. You’d be surprised by how many people are willing to spend a lot of money to starving artists like us,” Gun laughed. “So, do you have anything you like?”

Off thought for a while then replied, “Nothing.”

“Are you sure?” Gun asked.

“Ah wait, I have one thing in mind that I like, though,” Off said.

“What is it?”

“You,” Off said in a low voice.

Gun laughed, “Stop joking, Off!”

Off laughed and shook his head. _He could really be dumb sometimes, huh._ “Don’t bother buying me anything. Save your money up.”

“Hmm. Okay then,” Gun nodded. “But if ever I’ll send you something back, don’t get angry okay?”

“Gun,” Off called his name. “Save your money.”

Gun sighed in defeat, “Okay okay.”

They talked for another hour until Gun fell asleep on his bed but Off didn’t end the call yet. He could hear Gun’s breathing and heartbeat softly. The man's phone must have fallen down to his chest, Off thought.

Hearing Gun's steady breathing made him calm. As he closed his eyes, a wave of nostalgia suddenly rushed over him, transporting him back to that one night he slept over at Gun's three years ago.

_I miss us when we were younger and we had all the time in the world._


	13. self deprecation

**track thirteen**

A week has passed since the contract signing. It went well except for the fact that many people and some of the band’s fans were quick to throw hate on the new band members especially Mild. They feel threatened by the presence of a woman getting chummy with men. Some people though had started pairing Off with Mild.

“Either way is fine. At least our band’s being talked about,” Victor told Lee. “Schedule them for a band rehearsal. My secretary will email you their schedule for next week. And ask your vocalist how’s it going with his songwriting. It would do us nice if they could debut a new song, you know.”

“I could already tell Victor’s gonna sell you as a couple,” Lee turned to Mild and Off after the executive walked away. “I apologize for his ‘strategy’ but I advise that you two prepare yourselves.”

Off just nodded, “When are we gonna have a rehearsal?”

“Will tomorrow sound okay?” Lee asked them and everyone answered with a thumbs up except Gunsmile.

“Gunsmile?” Lee called on to the drummer. Everyone looked at him, already sensing the tension inside the conference room.

“Yeah I’m good,” the man replied.

Lee smiled and Off rolled his eyes.

“He’s such an asshole,” Off groaned. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my cool if I’m always gonna be with him.”

Alice just laughed as she patted the man’s head, “Aww. Don’t talk shit on people’s back. Gunsmile’s still your bandmate.”

“What about it? People do it all the time,” Off frowned. “Thanks by the way.” He said as he started eating the pad thai Alice brought for dinner.

“Just because people do it all the time doesn’t mean it’s right to do it, though,” Alice replied. “You should drop by the restaurant sometime.”

“You don’t have to do this you know,” Off said as Alice started folding the clothes strewn on the floor.

“I don’t have much to do to be honest. I might be the The House’s manager but my parents still do most of the work. They don’t really like doing nothing,” Alice smiled. “Besides, if I don’t do this, you’ll be drowned in clothes and trash.”

Ever since Gun left, Alice has made a habit of dropping by to Off’s unit weekly to check up on him. The man may not tell it outright but she knows that Off’s been having a hard time ever since Gun left and with his rift with Arm and Tay. Alice became even more worried when Off started smoking and drinking.

“Drowning, huh,” Off remarked. “By the way, how’s everyone?”

And when Off says ‘everyone’, they both know that it’s Arm, Tay, and Chimon – his former band members and best friends. Ever since the scuffle between them, they haven’t been in speaking terms except for Chimon who would sometimes send a good morning text to his P’Off.

“They’re doing good,” Alice replied. “Why not give them a call?”

“Would they answer it, though?” Off asked in return.

“Then consider my other suggestion,” Alice answered. “Drop by sometime. Everyone misses you back home.”

Off smiled, “I miss everyone, too.”

**October 2014 – Philippines**

“You didn’t told me you had a recording of my heartbeat,” Gun told Off as soon as he settled at his hotel room. Gun and the exhibition team just landed in the Philippines, a two-hour flight from Hong Kong. He had just finished listening and watching the music video of Off’s new song. “When did you even record it?”

Off had him listen to the song acapella back in Hong Kong and managed to finish a painting inspired by it and shipped it to Off’s address so the man could use it as the single’s cover art – the painting featured a couple drawn hyperrealistically with their backs to each other, sitting atop on a glass of martini made of tears. Gun had started to try out a new art style, staying in museums and different countries was a great inspiration for him. And thanks to Arm’s connections, it was delivered early.

The song was sad, the lyrics expressed a longing for someone but also thankful for that someone that despite being apart, that someone still supported him. The official audio sounded relaxing and sad at the same time. Mild’s soft voice complemented Off’s voice and tied up the overall ambience of the song.

“It’s a secret,” Off teased. “Where are you now?”

“We’re at the hotel now. The traffic was gruelling. Almost the same with Bangkok’s,” Gun sighed as he sat at the bed. “Your music video was nice. You looked nice in it. As well as Mild. She sounded good, too.”

The music video featured Off and Mild as a couple on a long distance relationship. Gun could tell Arm’s blueprint on the clothes they wore especially the dresses Mild had worn – classy and spunky.

“Yeah. She’s a pretty good singer. And a guitarist, too,” Off agreed. “The music video went well because I asked help from Arm.”

Off heeded Alice’s advice of calling Arm and Tay, using the music video filming as an excuse to talk to him to help them with the concept and wardrobe. It was a relief for Off and Alice when Arm agreed to do it but their conversations were always kept to minimal and work-related and Off could understand why – working for a band you were formerly in was awkward. It was a good thing Victor wasn’t there to oversee everything as he was busy with the new talent he had been grooming, a pop singer named Nanon. When Victor knew that Off had Arm lead their wardrobe staff for the music video, he was furious but Lee managed to subdue him.

“So you’ve been talking? That’s nice!” Gun said in relief. “Oh by the way, have you received the package I sent to you?”

“Yeah I did. I just opened it last night. it’s a nice shirt,” Off looked at the red button down shirt that he’d laid down by the bed after opening Gun’spackage. “Thanks, by the way.” It came alongside a pair of black branded slides, two vinyl albums of Queen and some souvenirs.

“I also got one myself,” Gun said. “The weather’s a bit hot here. Maybe I’ll wear it during one of our functions.”

Off laughed, “This would look nice on you but you’d look even smaller.”

“Blah blah,” Gun rolled his eyes. “So I guess Victor’s selling you and Mild as a couple?”

Off sighed, “Yeah.” He took a drag then continued, “I feel sorry for Mild. She’s a good singer and guitarist, she doesn’t really have to do this if it weren’t for Victor. She’s actually happy with how the song turned out. She also liked your album art.”

“Send my regards to her. How’s your relationship with the other two? Gunsmile and Guy, wasn’t it?” Off hasn’t told Gun much about his new band members. Alice had mentioned to him only once how Off’s been telling her that he’s been having a hard time establishing a good relationship with Gunsmile.

“Good. Guy’s a nice person. He usually consoles me when Gunsmile won’t respond to my questions or something,” Off smiled. “I think Gunsmile doesn’t like me because I come off as someone irresponsible.”

“I hope you two would work it out soon. I think he’s cool,” Gun offered. “Also Guy playing the bass made the song relaxing, at least for me.”

“Yeah. He’s good at playing the bass. Even better than me,” Off agreed. “Maybe Victor ordering me to just sing and write was a good thing.” He tapped off the ash on his cigarette and took a long drag. “I can’t wait for you to come back here.”

The man on the other line smiled, “Yeah. I can’t wait to come home, too.”

Both of them fell silent. Off opened another can of beer as he tossed the three empty cans into the trash. He walked towards his room, laid down at the bed and then looked at the walls where Gun’s artworks were hanged. Gun was staring at the ceiling. He can’t get off his mind how Off looked gaunt on the music video. He’s gotten more worried that Off smoking and drinking have become more often. Sure there’s really nothing wrong with occassional drinking but it seems as though Off had developed a liking on the two vices and might have used it as a way to cope up with the stress he’s been ever since the misunderstanding between him and Arm and Tay. It’s a good thing that Alice comes in to check up on Off once in a while where she would sometimes throw out the cigarette packs and beer cartons she’d find all over Off’s unit.

“Off,” Gun called on to him.

“Yes?”

“How are you?”

Off was a bit surprised by Gun’s question. Alice must have told him about his new habits. Or he might have seen how skinny he was on the music video.

“I’m okay. How about you?”

“Be honest, Off. How are you?” Gun bit his lower lip as he tried to smoothen the lines on his own forehead.

“I’m being honest, Gun,” Off laughed softly. “I’m okay.”

“You know I’m always here for you, right?”

“Yep. And that’s why I’m okay.”

* * *

“You need to stop this,” Lee sighed in exasperation.

Off laughed, “I’m okay, I promise. I’m not drunk.” He hiccuped. “But maybe I’m tipsy. Just a bit, though.”

They have a live performance in an hour and everyone’s been all dolled up and is travelling towards the TV station they’re guesting in except for Off who came in reeking of alcohol. It was a good thing Lee had thought of fetching Off or else the man would come by in a state worse than he is right now.

“You have an hour to sober up. Drink this,” Lee shoved him a herbal drink.

“Yuck,” Off said after chugging down the bitter minty drink.

“Go wash your face. You look like hell,” Lee dragged him towards the washroom inside his office.

“Hey,” Mild called on to Off as soon as he joined them at the TV station after he went straight to hair and makeup. “Are you okay?”

Off smiled at her, “Yeah I’m fine. Thanks. Sorry I’m late.” He bowed to everyone at the lounge room they were in. Everyone smiled and acknowledged him except for Gunsmile who pretended to sleep in the corner.

Despite their live performance going well, Off was heavily scolded by Victor over the phone after knowing the incident earlier.

“You know you and your band have a full schedule today,” Victor growled.

Off just rolled his eyes, “Yeah yeah. It’s nice to know you’re actually thinking of our band. Thanks for the time.” He then handed it to Lee who clicked his tongue after hearing what Off said.

After their live performance on TV, they went straight to two radio stations to do a short interview and live performance as well. And as always, Off was asked about Gun.

“So was he the one who created the artwork you used as your single’s cover art?” The radio DJ asked as he held the printed image of it.

“Yes,” Off replied. “I’m actually surprised he manage to do one since he’s been busy with the exhibit abroad.”

“Since we’re already talking about him, may I ask how’s your friendship with him and your past band members?”

Off smiled, “Me and Gun and everyone else are in good terms. We try to find time to talk with Gun since he once said that he felt homesick. He’s been abroad for more than two months now.” Even without Lee briefing him, Off knew that this a question anyone would ask him as soon as they released the official statement back in September.

“I wanna hear from the new members,” the radio host continued. “How are you feeling? Can you share with everyone how is it under Bandsintown?”

“Thank you for asking,” Guy said, laughing. “We’re still a bit shy around each other to be honest. But I really enjoy it when we’re rehearsing. Music really connects people.”

The radio host turned to Off, “How about you, Off? You’re not playing the bass anymore?”

Off nodded, “Yeah. Aside the fact that I need to focus more on my songwriting, Guy is a much better bassist that I am. His way of playing the bass is something unique as one can hear from our new single.”

“How about you, Mild? The only girl in the group,” the host smiled.

Mild smiled, “I’m very thankful that everyone’s been kind to me ever since our debut. I’m thrilled to showcase my talent alongside them.”

“You two looked good on your MV. Your outfits were so pretty. By the way, how is your relationship with Off?” The host continued.

“We’re very okay. P’Off took care of me very well especially during the shoot,” Mild replied. “Our outfits were made by P’Arm of AWC Studio.”

The host nodded, “Oh yes Arm. The band’s former member, too, right? How about you, Gunsmile? You’ve been a touring member for some local and international bands, right? Is it different being a regular band member?”

“Ah yes very different,” Gunsmile replied timidly. “When I was a touring member, I have to go on various places and deal with a lot of people. Right now, being a regular band member is much easier because although we still go on different places, they’re still the same people.”

Off was a bit surprised how Gunsmile sounded professional, really different with how the latter has usually responded to him ever since they first met. Years of being in the industry sure has made Gunsmile a professional in putting up a façade. Off wondered if he’ll ever come to be like that.

After performing live at the radio station and answering some more questions, they headed straight to the next station they were guesting.

“So, Off, you’ve been the lead composer of the band, yes?” The radio DJ asked.

Off nodded, “Yes.”

“Can you share with us how is your songwriting process?”

“It’s nothing special to be honest. Like with every other composer, I tend to write a song when I’m inspired by a person or an event or a feeling,” Off replied.

The DJ nodded, “So your new single, Love it if You Were Here, can you share us what was the inspiration behind the song? Who was the inspiration behind the song?”

“Well, the song literally is just about a person missing their special someone because that special someone is in a far away place,” Off answered. “But despite being away from each other, they still manage to talk. But just like the title, the person longing would still really appreciate it if their special someone was just near them.”

“So, is it based from a personal experience?”

“That’s a secret!” Mild quipped, sensing Off’s irritation. The latter looked at her and smiled.

“Thanks earlier,” Off whispered to Mild during the travel back to their company. They sat beside each other.

Mild patted his shoulder, “It’s nothing. The host was a bit irritating, too.”

“Hey hey hey,” Guy chimed in. “What’s all this whispering about?”

Off and Mild looked at each other and just laughed in response.

“Your fans love it when you’re together,” Victor told them over their weekly meeting. Almost everyone inside the room cheered but Off and Mild didn’t seem impressed and just smiled reluctantly.

_I love P’Off but I’m willing to let P’Mild be his girlfriend._

_P’Mild is sooo pretty. She and P’Off really look good together._

_They have good chemistry on-screen! I love seeing them together!_

_How could P’Mild not get shy whenever she and P’Off look at each other during their live performances? If it was me, I’d have fainted!_

Victor handed them some printouts of what their fans have been saying about them online. Off can say he’s impressed about how their fans have been saying positive remarks about them after a week of doing promotions for their new single and music video. He’s heard from Alice also that ever since the release of their MV, fans have started to visit and buy clothes from Arm’s boutique.

“Even some critics are praising us, huh,” Gunsmile remarked as he tossed a newspaper page towards Off.

_91 Line has been on the airwaves since 2013. Their music and imagery focused on what they really looked like – teenage boys who sang about friendship and innocent love. Now that they’ve brought in new members, their new single ‘Love it if You Were Here’ accompanied by a music video, also signaled them stepping out of their comfort zone. With a heavy bass and sexy guitar riffs, their song narrates a person’s longing for their lover. These lovers were played by Off Jumpol (lead vocalist, lyricist) and Mild Lapassalan (guitarist, vocalist). Their chemistry on-screen looked good and promising. Their voices complemented each other, making the listener think as if they were really lovers longing for each other._

Gun finished reading the article with a weak smile. _Yeah, they really looked good together_ , Gun thought as he scrolled through the pictures of Off and Mild during their radio interviews. He then noticed that Off was wearing the red button down shirt he sent Off on the pictures which made him happy despite feeling a little jealous.

“That’s a deep sigh,” Nook commented as she entered Gun’s hotel room. “I came in after hearing no response from you.”

“I’m sorry. I was a bit occupied,” Gun smiled weakly.

Nook looked at the computer screen, “Hey is that your shirt?” She zoomed in on the picture of Off.

“Ah no. But it’s the same with mine,” Gun replied shyly.

Nook laughed, “So, it’s a couple shirt?”

Gun blushed, “No!” He looked down at the shirt he’s wearing, the same one with what Off was wearing on the picture, “It’s just that I thought it would really look nice if he and I had some matching shirts, you know.”

“So what are you, best friends? Or lovers?” Nook continued to tease him.

Gun frowned as he tried to suppress his laughter, “What lovers? We’re best friends!”

“Best friends with matching shirts, huh,” Alice remarked as she read an online article with a picture of Off and Gun wearing the same shirt. She looked at Off who was clearly hiding his face with a beer can.

“Ow!” Off exclaimed when Alice kicked her in the shins. “The beer almost spilled!”

Alice rolled her eyes, “Yeah yeah. Your guts would spill next. Haven’t I told you to drink and smoke moderately?”

Off sat beside her, “I am! Look, I’ve only drank three beers in a week.” He gestured at the empty cans by the sink.

“Three beers, two bottles of tequila and whiskey,” Alice corrected as she pinched Off’s side making the man whine. “Going back to what I’ve said earlier, you had matching shirts with Gun?”

Off nodded as he rested his chin on his hand, “He said he also bought one for himself. But I didn’t know it was the same type of shirt. Besides, didn’t he also sent one to everyone back home?”

Alice could see Off’s red cheeks but she can’t determine if it’s because of the beer or it’s just him blushing. She shook her head, “Yeah he gave us shirts but of course the designs were varied.”

Off scrolled through the article which was posted anonymously at a fan site, “How do people even find the time to do this thing?” He laughed nervously as he read through the post, a hint of malice can be felt as the one who posted it hinted of a possible romantic relationship between the two. He then looked back at their pictures. His picture was taken after they released their single and music video during one of their radio guestings. Gun’s picture was taken from a group photo with the exhibit team.

“He looks fine,” Off whispered.

Alice patted his head, “Yeah he does. But he sounds sad every time I talk to him.”

“How have you been?” Gun asked. He called as soon as he saw the blog post of him and Off having the same shirt.

“I’m fine,” Off replied. “You saw it?”

“Yeah,” Gun replied. “I’m sorry. I can already tell Victor has probably scolded you over it.”

Off laughed, “Hmm not actually.” Victor only raised a brow at him as he threw a print out of it towards Off as soon as the post was published. “Don’t worry about him.”

“How about the fans?” Gun asked. He’s already seen some fans throwing hate at him, even commenting some hateful things on his Instagram posts. He didn’t mind it because he’s more worried for Off.

“They’re good,” Off sighed. “Though some of them are quick to comment some nonsense stuff. I’m starting to get used to it. It’s not the first time people online have dissed me or something.”

“By the way, how’s your album going?” Gun changed the topic. “How many songs are you gonna include on it?”

Off poured himself a glass of whiskey, “Maybe 10 tracks including the single. I’ve finished writing two. I’m gonna send it to you on email, if it’s okay.”

Gun smiled, “Of course it’s okay. We’re really not busy here, you know.”

“Happy birthday,” Off whispered.

Gun looked at the clock, “Thank you. I wish I could celebrate it with everyone back there.”

“Is that your birthday wish already?” Off laughed.

“Yeah,” Gun replied. “Every day, I miss you all even more.”

“Then come back.”

“I would if I could.”


	14. heaven's gate

**track fourteen**

Before October ended, Off singlehandedly finished writing the songs for their new album. He had sent recordings of it to Gun before he and the band recorded it on the studio. Gun on the other hand, before flying to Europe, finished the paintings Off could use in their album booklet. He shipped them alongside the painting Off had decided to use as the album cover, it was a caricature of him and the band laying beneath the universe. Off and the band agreed for the album to be entitled ‘Outta Space’ in reference to their album cover.

The band’s November schedule included them filming three music videos, attending numerous TV and radio guestings to promote their album, five magazine photoshoots, and a handful of meetings for their concert that is set to occur on early December. Everyone was excited except for Off.

“Why not?” Gun had asked when Off confided to him after it was confirmed they’re going to have a concert.

Off sighed as he pinched his nose, “I don’t really know. I guess I’m just tired.”

“I’m sorry I’m not there,” Gun whispered.

“You’ll come back, right?” Off asked as he closed his eyes, willing himself to stop his tears from falling.

Gun bit his lip, “Yes. I will. I am.”

“So, how are the French?” Off asked, trying to make light of their conversation.

“They’re chic and very sophisticated,” Gun snickered. “It’s hard speaking their language but I don’t know, sometimes through art, I think we understand each other.”

Off looked through his glass of vodka, “Will you visit the Louvre?”

Gun browsed through his notebook atop of his bedside table, “Still not sure. But I hope we do. It’s where the Mona Lisa is displayed, right?”

Off hummed in agreement as he drank.

“You’re drinking again?” Gun sighed.

“Just one glass,” Off said in defense. “It helps me sleep, too.”

Gun heard a knock on his door, “I think that’s P’Kwang. I gotta go now. Stop drinking now, okay? And sleep well. Bye, Off.”

“Bye,” Off replied but Gun had already hanged up.

* * *

The album gained mixed reviews from the media, their fans and critics. Many have praised Off’s songwriting prowess and the band’s musicality but some were quick to point out how there were songs that seemed to glorify drinking beer and smoking. Off only laughed and shook his head in disbelief when he read those.

Victor can’t stop himself from praising the band especially Off because of the album’s success as it has sold a hundred copies already. And also because of the fact they’re most likely to win Artist of the Year at the annual Siam Music Awards where they’re invited and set to perform the next weekend.

Mild, Guy, and Lee on the other hand were worried with Off. Everyday, he’s more and more becoming skinny.

“Hey,” Mild sat beside him during one of their rehearsals for their live performance. “You don’t look well.”

Off patted her head, “I’m fine. I really am. Maybe I’m just tired.”

“Yeah, this month’s been real hectic,” Mild remarked as she squeezed Off’s knee. “But don’t forget to take care of yourself, okay? You have someone waiting, right?”

Off looked at her, surprised.

“You don’t even try to hide it,” Mild smiled. “It’s Gun, right? Your best friend and the artist who gives you those paintings.”

Off nodded. He was a bit surprised that Mild didn’t gave him a telling or a scornful look.

“I’m hoping for the best of you,” Mild whispered. “The world’s not very kind to people like you but you can always find an ally in me.”

“Can I hug you?” Off asked Mild who was a bit puzzled. “I’m sorry. I’m just, you know, kind of surprised. It’s okay if you’re not comfortable,” he furthered when he saw how Mild reacted.

The woman smiled and then hugged him, “I’m always here if you need a hug. We’re not just band mates. We’re also friends.”

Off hugged her tight as Mild patted his head, “Thank you.”

“So what was that?” Gunsmile asked Off in a sour tone when they passed by each other at the men’s room.

Off looked at him quizically, “What are you talking about?”

“You and Mild hugging,” Gunsmile replied. “I thought you weren’t into that couple bullcrap Victor was selling the media.”

Off shook his head, “I’m not into that couple bullcrap. We just had a moment. It was a personal one so I can’t share it with you.”

“Yeah yeah,” Gunsmile retorted. “I thought you were different from the others.”

Off didn’t answer him back and just let Gunsmile shot him a disproving look as the man walked out of the room.

* * *

“You look like hell,” Alice said as soon as Off opened the door when she rang.

“Really? That’s the first thing you’re gonna say to me after two weeks of not dropping by?” Off teased.

Alice hugged him, “Better to be saying the truth. But really, you look like hell. And also more skinny.” She brushed her hands over her’s best friends back and she could already feel his bones.

“I’ve sent you food packs, right?” Alice pulled back from their hug.

“I ate them, don’t worry,” Off patted her head. “I’m sorry the place’s a mess. I’ve been dead tired from all this album stuff.”

“Yeah, I could see that,” Alice replied as she looked over the place. Clothes and shoes were strewn around the place. Gifts from their fans dumped on one of the corners of his bedroom. Cigarette butts crowding the ash tray on his kitchen. “I’m surprised you can still sing what with all the cigarettes you’ve been lighting up.”

Off laughed. He could taste the bitterness on Alice’s tone. “Chill out, mom.” He emphasized on the word ‘mom’ making Alice nostrils flare.

“How’s everyone?” Off asked as he sat with his feet up.

Alice had started picking up the clothes she’s gonna fold later, “Well, they’re fine. Tay has been going around the city taking photos for his exhibition. New has settled at his workplace. Chimon’s doing good at the university. Sometimes he helps out at The House. And Arm’s been busy with his boutique.”

“That’s good,” Off nodded. “How about the old people?”

“Well, they’re okay, strong as a buffalo,” Alice smiled. “They miss you, too. They’re also worried about you, especially your parents.”

“Off honey,” his mom cried. “What happened with you?”

He went back with Alice after she helped him clean out his unit. They didn’t want to worry them because of how skinny he looked but he missed his parents so much. He only sent a text to Lee that he’s gonna spend a night on his parent’s place then he quickly drove away with Alice.

“I’m just tired,” Off replied as he brushed his mother’s tears away. “Schedule’s been hectic.”

“Are you gonna spend the night here?” His father asked as he hugged his son.

Off nodded, “I’m still welcome, right?”

Off slept between his parents after they ate the soup Alice had given before he dropped her at their place.

“This feels nostalgic,” Off’s mom whispered as she brushed his son’s hair.

“You slept like this with us until you were twelve,” Off’s dad recalled.

“Are you proud of me?” Off asked as he held their hands.

“Of course, son,” his father replied as he kissed Off’s head.

“Always,” his mom said as she caressed Off’s cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the track in which this chapter was named after is Heaven's Gate by Fall Out Boy and kinda talks about how the narrator or singer sees himself as a mess and is struggling hence him seeking help to his lover. The singer admits that he uses a substitute to get the same high as he feels whenever his lover is present.


	15. midnight sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So sorry to update this fic very slowly. If you're still reading this, thank you very much and to your kind words on the comments section - I really enjoy reading and responding to your comments. Anyway, I hope you're all doing well. Happy holidays!

**track fifteen**

**December 2014**

“The Artist of the Year goes to… 91 Line!”

Everyone at the event hall cheered and clapped as the band made their way towards the stage. They shook hands with the award presenter after they handed the small trophies to each member.

“First of all, I want to thank my band members,” Off said to the crowd. “My former and new band members, who have supported me and my crazy ideas. I also wanna thank my parents and my best friend who continously cheered on me to walk on this dream of mine.”

“We would also like to thank our manager, Lee,” Guy said. “And also to P’Victor and the whole management of Bandsintown for trusting in us.”

“And to our sponsors and partners, thank you very much,” Gunsmile added.

“Most importantly, thank you so much to our fans who voted and who have been very supportive of P’Off and who then came on to love each of us, thank you so much,” Mild said. “Have a good night!”

“Congratulations!” Gun cheered over the phone.

“Thank you, Gun,” Off responded. “You were always there for me. Your support made me strive even more.”

Gun laughed, “Come on, give yourself a break. You worked so hard to be where you are right now.”

“I’m just so grateful to you and to everyone,” Off smiled. “God I wish you were there with me.”

Gun sighed, “Yeah. I wish I was, too.”

“You’re not gonna come home before the year ends? You already missed celebrating Loy Krathong,” Off asked. “I mean, we really don’t celebrate Christmas but it would be really nice if you’ll be able to join us for some celebratory dinner.”

“I think the exhibit’s gonna drag on until next year,” Gun carefully answered.

Off groaned, “I miss you so much, Gun.”

“I miss you, too,” Gun replied. “So much. Wait for me, okay?”

“Good morning to our listeners,” the radio DJ said. “Today is extra special because we have 91 Line with us!”

Everyone at the studio cheered.

“First of all, I want to congratulate everyone for the success that is your album release and your recent win being Artist of the Year,” the DJ continued. “How was the experience?”

“Thank you so much,” Mild answered. “We’re very much happy that our album was well-received by everyone especially our fans. Thank you also to people like you who have played our singles and to music channels who’ve streamed our music videos.”

“We were over the moon due to the recent events and we can’t wait to be with everyone at our concert which is in two days!” Guy giddily shared. “We’ve been rehearsing for the past weeks and for this week, we’re just resting.”

“Right, your concert,” the other radio host said. “Tell us more about it.”

“We just thought it was high time for the band to hold a concert,” Gunsmile bluntly replied. “The band already has a lot of songs we can perform on stage. Plus, we also haven’t bonded much with the fans except for when we’re invited to do mall tours and guestings.”

Off nodded, “It’s also a way to show our gratitude to the fans. If it weren’t for them, there’s no 91 Line right now.”

“Off, you’ve been quiet,” the host commented. “How have you been?”

Just like before, everyone knew this would be asked especially when pictures of him looking haggard surfaced on blog sites. Some critics talking about Off singing about smoking and drinking beer didn’t also help with how the media has gossiped about his health and habits. At least the issue with him and Gun having the same clothes died down.

“I would be lying if I said I’m fine and all,” Off replied, his eyebrows raised. “The past few month’s been hectic not just for me but for everyone.”

The tension in the air quickly dissipated with how Off handled the question well but the radio hosts continued.

“Very hardworking artists. I’m sorry if I’m gonna get nosy here but there are a few questions we’d like to ask and get honest answers from you,” the host looked at him and to the band’s manage outside the booth.

Off nodded, “Okay sure.”

“First, we’d like to ask about your relationship with your best friend, Gun,” the DJ said. “He’s abroad right now, am I correct? For a travelling exhibition?”

Off nodded, “Yes you’re right. Right now he’s in Europe representing Thailand’s art scene. And about our relationship, you already said it, we’re best friends.”

“In connection to that,” the DJ pressed on. “I’m sure you’ve seen that blog post about how you and him supposedly has the same clothing.” The DJ handed him a print out of various pictures of him and Gun having the same clothes – the red shirt, the black sweater with a bear print, the green oversized polo, and the gold-rimmed black sunglasses.

“Yeah I’ve seen these,” Off looked at the images. “We have the same clothing. Not just me and him, everyone in our circle – Arm, Tay, and Alice, even his parents. Gun loves to shop. It’s cheap where he bought them. I also asked him about him spending money but he just said most of them were given by sponsors and patrons. We’re just thankful he doesn’t forget to send us some souvenirs from where they’re currently having an exhibit.”

“Oh I remember,” Mild butted in. “When our new single was released, P’Gun sent me a pair of heart-shaped eyeglasses through P’Off. P’Gun also sends us some souvenirs through P’Off.” Everyone nodded because it was true. They just didn’t have the courage to speak out because of how heavy the tension was inside the booth except for Mild who was always outspoken.

The host nodded, “Let’s talk about your album. Some critics have noted that two of your songs, ‘Light Me Up’ and ‘Drowning’ supposedly glorifies drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. What can you say about it?”

“To be honest, there’s really nothing wrong with drinking and smoking,” Off replied nonchalantly. “As long as it’s in moderation. Me and my band members are of legal drinking age. And also, I’m not glorifying the acts. I’m pretty sure casual listeners and our fans know that I am in no way encouraging them to drink and smoke.”

“Also, if you listen closely,” Gunsmile interjected. “One can realize how the narrator or in this case, the singer, tells how he’s been occupying himself with those vices to forget his sorrows and problems but then quickly realizes how it’s not really a good thing to do because he’s worrying the people around him.”

“But we’re very much willing to sign as endorsers of any beverages,” Guy quipped making everyone laugh. “Now, can we promote our upcoming concert? Our tickets are cheap!”

“Those gossipmongers,” Mild clicked her tongue as soon as they got inside the company car.

“They really did their research, huh,” Gunsmile commented. “I’ve been in this industry for a while but some people from the media don’t really know work ethics.”

Off exhaled, “I’m actually surprised they didn’t asked for my sexuality.”

“Pretty sure they’re gonna ask you that next,” Guy responded.

“I’m worried how people will react over the interview,” Lee said. “It’s either they’re gonna applaud everyone of you who handled the situation professionally and hit how the hosts lacked in courteousness or pick on how almost everyone were ready to support Off’s statements.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Mild flipped her hair. “Whatever we say or do, we’re still gonna be scrutinized. At least we’re being honest.”

“I’m sorry,” Gun said as soon as Off answered his call.

“Why?”

“You already know why,” Gun replied. “I’m really sorry.”

Off sighed, “Don’t be, okay? There’s really nothing wrong you did. Don’t let those nosy people get under your skin. That’s how they thrive. We’re not even doing anything scandalous.”

“You laughed,” Gun commented.

“Hmm?”

“You laughed,” Gun repeated. “Just now. It’s been some time since you laughed genuinely.”

“Well,” was what Off only said in response.

A silence fell between them. Gun hugged himself when the wind breezed at him as he stood on his hotel room’s veranda.

“Gun,” called Off. “What are we?”

Gun was taken aback, “W-we’re best friends, right?”

Off took a long drag, “Yes. Yes we are.”


	16. peppermint mocha

**track sixteen**

**December 2014**

“Hey,” Off whispered. “I’m sorry about last night. I was in a bit of a bad mood.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Gun replied through his phone. “Did you ate with everyone yesterday?”

“Yeah,” Off responded. “Alice cooked for everyone. It’s really nothing much. Just a little celebratory dinner.”

“That’s nice,” Gun commented. "So, have you been talking again with Tay and Arm?”

“Not much,” Off admitted. “I can understand why they don’t want to talk with me. I betrayed them.”

Gun pursed his lips, “How about Chimon?”

“Hmm, he’s trying,” Off closed his eyes as he rested his head on foot of the bed. “He’s very much disappointed with his P’Off. I am, too. I am disappointed with myself.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Gun softly said. “Sure you did some mistakes. But you’ve been repenting, right?”

“Yeah, at least I think I am,” Off said. “So, when are you gonna spend the New Year?”

“Actually, I don’t know,” Gun sighed. “Though our next stop is in Tokyo.”

“That’s a nice cold place,” Off mentioned. “Your nose’s gonna be all red and shiny.”

Gun chuckled, “Don’t worry, P’Kwang and P’Nook won’t let me freeze to death.”

There was silence.

“Let’s travel together,” Off declared.

“What?” Gun was surprised. “What do you mean?”

Off laughed, “I wish I was travelling with you, discovering hidden places and absorbing the rich culture of the countries you’ve visited. But we can’t do that right now. So maybe next time? Let’s travel together. Next time.”

“Of course,” Gun smiled. “Let’s travel together next time.”

“Do you like it?” Joss asked as Gun opened the man’s gift to him. It was a keychain made of clay which were molded as the letter ‘G’.

Gun hugged Joss, “Of course. I like it so much.” He handed the man a box. “Open it.”

“When did you ever had the time to do these?” Joss asked in amazement when he saw three framed sketches of him.

“Sometimes I wake up before you,” Gun stuck his tongue out. “I don’t know if we’ll ever meet again.”

Joss’ eyes glistened, “But I’m glad we met.”

“I’m glad we met, too,” Gun repeated as he kissed Joss’ tears away.

* * *

**January 2015**

“Happy new year, dad,” Gun said over the phone. “I’m so sorry I can’t be with you to welcome the new year.”

Gun’s father laughed, “It’s fine, son. Besides, we’ve been welcoming new years since you were born. One year wouldn’t hurt.”

“I love you, dad,” Gun sniffed. “I’m coming home soon. I promise.”

“See you then,” his father replied. “I love you, too.”

“Have you received the postcard I sent you?” Gun asked.

Off smiled as he thumbed the said item, “Yep. How’s Japan?” He stared at Gun’s handwriting at the back of it:

_‘Let’s build a snowman here. I can’t wait to travel with you soon. Gun.’_

“Cold,” Gun answered. “I think my pee would freeze.” They both laughed at that.

“Drink some tea,” Off suggested. “I sent you some, didn’t I?”

Off had managed to ask a friend of Arm’s father who was flying in privately over the States to hand Gun their gifts. Luckily, that friend of Arm’s father had booked at the same hotel Gun and the exhibition team was staying.

“I’m already boiling the water,” Gun replied. “Thanks again. The gifts really cheered me up.”

The gifts included short letters from everyone back at home saying how they’ve missed Gun. Tay included a photo he took of a sunrise in Bangkok with a note behind the picture ‘In case you’ve already forgotten how the sun rises in Bangkok’. Arm gave him one of his boutique’s sweater while Alice sent in pictures with people back at home with some notes at the back of it. Off on the other hand gave him a pack of chamomile tea.

“You know I’m thinking,” Off started. “We should’ve done that before.”

“It’s the thought that counts,” Gun laughed softly. He poured the tea on his cup, “The tea smells so nice. Have you been drinking this, too?”

“I’m trying,” Off stared at the ceiling. “I realized beer’s not the only thing that can help me sleep, you know.”

Gun nodded, “I’m glad you realized that.”

“I’m gonna be 24 soon,” Off said. “But my bones are as fragile as a 50-year old man.”

“You should start drinking those milks for senior citizens,” Gun laughed. “You know I remember, you didn’t like drinking milk back when we were kids.”

Off joined in on the laughter, “Yeah. My body really said it’s payback time.”

“I have so many things to tell you,” Gun quietly said.

“I can’t wait to hear the stories you want to share,” Off replied. “See you.”

“See you,” Gun repeated.

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate you spending time to read this. Thank you.


End file.
